Clean.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga.

I spent the holidays with Grandâme and Hattie, it was so nice. I was run down to empty, but I was spending holidays with family so that made me happy. I was literally run down to empty though. I didn't get a moments rest. Which was fine because I rarely see them so it is nice to run around and fit everything in.

Although it meant that I was also away from Sky for two weeks. Which meant that the house went without cleaning for two weeks. I came into the house happy, excited to see the dogs and rest a bit. I did not sleep at all due to my early flight this morning. I was looking forward to sleeping in my bed and getting some zzzzs before Sky got home. We talked yesterday and he made it seem like the house was decent. I knew that he wouldn't clean the toilets or anything like that, but I expected the house to be decent.

I walked in the house and was... disappointed. Not that it is filthy or anything, but it is definitely too dirty for me. I don't understand how crumbs are not cleaned up. Especially from areas that aren't supposed to have crumbs! I don't understand how hard it is to run the water after a shave to clean the sink. I just don't get how the mess doesn't get to him.

I was thinking about it though, and I didn't leave the house in pristine condition either though. There were things that needed to get done. There were things that could have been cleaner. I was definitely slacking on my household duties.

I still feel like crying though. I am so exhausted and I can't sleep. I need to clean. I already cleaned the sink, and I feel like that just sapped any energy I had. To even think about doing anything else makes me want to curl into a ball and start sobbing. Oh well, it needs to get done. Sleeping is for losers anyway...

:-/

Soul

Holidays

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Last Christmas by Wham!

It's been a while since I've blogged here.

I'm sort of Grrrr...

Having a fabulous time with family, but Sky and I are apart.

It is Grrrrrr-worthy.

I miss him.

It frustrates me.

:/

Soul

Fabulous.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching RW/RR Challenge: The Ruins.

So Sky was on a business trip for the past couple of days. That's all fine and dandy. So this morning I woke up with him early and was putzing around with him. He looked over at me and said that he bought something for me. I was genuinely surprised, my heart filled with excitment. He pulled out this little box with the Liberty Bell on it. My heart felt like love was overfilling it. I opened the box to find a small bell. Sky knows that I collect bells from a small conversation we had once. Nothing could have been better. I have the most amazing boyfriend ever.

<3

Soul

Hot.

Sometimes I take showers that burn my skin. My skin turns this deep red. It looks like my whole body is blushing. I take these showers once a week... sometimes twice. I have learned that I shouldn't take these showers two days in a row. They make me feel lightheaded. I wasn't thinking and took two, one last night and one today. Less than 24 hours in between. I feel lightheaded.

I like the sensation. I like the slight burn. The thought that goes screaming through my head to either get out of the scalding water or to turn it down. I fight this urge and take the burn. I usually do this when I need to think. When something stressful is going on as well...

I feel so lightheaded. I feel sick.

I don't know what to do...

I was bad...

But so was he.

Today.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Picture by Kid Rock feat. Sheryl Crow.

So today was a bit of a headache so far. I woke up late-ish. Not a bad thing, but the dogs were barking as soon as they saw me to go outside. I felt awful that they needed to go and I didn't take them at the normal time. One of them was mad and even though we were outside for more than a half hour decided to save his messy treats for the floor in the dining room. How pleasant. I then spent over two hours talking a friend up from her emotionally low point because of her boyfriend.

I then called Sky to ask what I should have for lunch. He was busy and I felt like shit for bothering him. I then ate lunch and browsed around online for a job. No, browsing is the wrong word. I scoured the internet for a job, only to be faced once again with the dim realization that right now there is nothing.

Today is just not a good day for me. I want to curl up under the covers and go back to sleep. I want to cry. This is so not like me...

I love being here... being with Sky... but I miss what I left behind too. I know I am in the right place, but when you are being faced with bugs, no car, no job, and no school, sometimes the old things get glamorized. I know that I made the right decision. The place that I was at was not healthy for me. It was wearing on me and I couldn't do anything about it. Now I am loved and welcomed in my home. I knew that I would get homesick eventually, and I think the overly hormonal state I'm in right now doesn't help these feelings, but seriously, going back to bed looks really good right now.

Oh... and I love Sky. We live a very 1950s-esque household. Which I love. But I handle the housework. Dishes, cleaning, etc etc etc. Well, we have a tiny bug issue that has me literally scared to go into my kitchen. Sky did the dishes last night. At that moment I fell a little bit more in love with him. I am head over heels. I love him with all of my heart. He is the best man in the whole world.

:)

Soul

Secrets

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently not listening to anything.

It's Sunday, and Sunday means postsecret. I love this website and have even before it got popular by All American Rejects. Well, I went there this morning and a secret really affected me.



















The one above this really got to me. I miss my cat. *so much* He was the one thing that got me through my hard times. He listened to me when I had problems. Which sounds strange, but a lot of the times he was the only one I could talk to. He would snuggle up and listen. He would sleep with me. He would play with me. I love him to death and miss him more than anything in the world. He is my kitty love and I will never stop loving him. It breaks my heart that I am away from him. He is the best cat in the world. It is a worry of mine that when I go to visit that he won't love me anymore, or at least not to the degree that he did. Or that he will hold it against me that I left. I hope that he remembers all the talks we had and remembers that I never wanted to leave him. I hope that he remembers why I left. I know this all sounds silly to some of you, but I needed to write it out. I miss my cat. A lot.

Soul

Friday night.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching something Sky has on in the background.

My Friday night has been so nice. Sky came home, we ate dinner, did some stuff around the house, had some fun, and are now relaxing with a movie on. It is so nice to be able to curl up next to him. :) I actually wanted this to be a longer post, but now that I'm thinking about it... why am I sitting at the computer instead of sitting next to my sexy sexy sexy boyfriend???

:D

Soul

Getting There

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Crazy Possessive by Kaci Battaglia.

I am settling in my new home. It is nice and cozy. The spare bedroom is mysteriously colder than the rest of the house. I am definitely keeping myself busy. There is so much to do and I would love to have it done already but that would be impossible. This is the first time that I am tackling everything by myself. It is a bit overwhelming, but I like that Sky knows that I will get it all done. The bathroom is completely in terms of cleaning. The only things left to do are minor but require asking Sky some questions.

I have washed all the new dishes and put them away. I am going to need to do laundry later this week, but to be honest it is one of the last things on my list. Sky and I have enough clothes to last and there is so much to be done inside the house I really don't want to leave for something like that. Weird, but true. I'm thinking maybe early next week I will make it into a day long affair. Because, to be honest, Sky has way more laundry than I would expect. >.< Laundry definitely isn't one of my favorite things to do. Not at all. That's okay though... Once we get all of it done then I will figure out a more stable way to handle it where it is not a day-long thing and just a two hour trip or something.

I have cleaned off the dining room table although I want to do more tonight. Just to organize it. All of the trash is off of it now. Lol, just as I typed that I found three more pieces of trash on it. Into a trash pile! :D I love cleaning for Sky. It calms me and puts a smile on my face, even though the task is daunting. Tomorrow I think I want to put my clothes away, but I cannot go into the spare bedroom now.

Sky has a lot of clothes and I don't know exactly how he has them organized now, there are drawers, but it is sort of confusing. I'm not too worried about it. I am going to clean a decorative ledge above the fireplace so I can start to figure out what to put there. Right now there is a bunch of random things.

The most annoying thing to me is the floors but I know I can't do those until everything else is done, or else I'll just end up redoing it. I got the floors in the bathroom and that is what was really irritating me.

I started looking at prices for a new tub/tub surround today. I just don't think that I can get the tub any cleaner and I've used comet three times already.

My only woe right now is my lack of hot water. The gas isn't activated yet and I hate cold showers. Not to mention, shaving is a bitch with cold water. Skin gets all prickly with goosebumps and I cut myself. Grrrrrr. Not pleasant. Not at all. Also I have this really weird bug bite.

I am doing well though. Better than well. Amazing. I am happy in my home. That hasn't been something I have been able to say for a long time.

:)

Soul

My New Life

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Everyone's At It by Lily Allen.

I moved yesterday. I am happy. I am in the process of cleaning. The bathroom right now specifically.

Now I am eating [a really really good PB&J sandwich. Mmmmm]. I still am in the middle of cleaning the bathroom though. Just took a dinner break. So far I've cleaned the floor and the toilet. I've still got this one section of floor to clean that was just too hard to reach the first go-around. That bit should only take about five minutes though. So I'm not worried about it. I want the bathroom all cleaned by the time I go to bed. It shouldn't be a problem the only things I have left to do in there is the shower and the sink/cabinet combo.

I think after that, depending on how much time I have, I might wash the dishes we bought yesterday. I just don't know if I'll be up for setting all of the bathroom things tonight. I might save that for a morning job. I might go through the box and separate things though. That wouldn't be too bad. Eh, who knows. We'll see how I feel after finishing cleaning.

I love Sky. He has done so much for me. He is the most amazing person ever. At a point where I was left with no options, he gave me one. I am happy with him. I love him, and I am in love with him.

I am now living with two dogs instead of my loving adorable cat. The dogs are cute. I am getting used to them. They are sleeping at my feet right now, so you can't knock their lovingness either... They listen well [for the most part] too.

:)

Soul

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Come Round Soon by Sara Bareilles.

I'm dancing around my bedroom and singing my heart out. It is one of my favorite things to do. I am by no means the next American Idol, but I don't care. It is such a relaxing thing for me. It washes all of the bad things away and leaves me calm and happy.

I am anxiously waiting Saturday to be here. I want it to be now. I am so excited. You should be too.

:)

Soul

My old Job

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to The Remedy by Jason Mraz.

So, I obviously had to quit my job to move. Well, I quit my job about two months ago as well [the move that didn't happen]. I thankfully got my job back once the move didn't happen. I was very thankful of this. Unfortunately, will my issues inside of my house, I am forced to move. This time it isn't about my choices. I am happy, I am excited, but it is also a bitter way to do things. And I'm just talking with my family here. However, I had to quit my job once again. Something that was so hard for me to do the first time. I knew that I could not go through that again. I also knew my boss was out of town so left with one of two options, I went with the one that made more sense to me, emailing her. A voice mail would be too short. I wrote and rewrote the email, I wanted it to be perfect. Finally I got it to say what I wanted it to. I was nervous and wanted my sadness to be conveyed. I didn't want my boss thinking this was something that I wanted.

However, in the response that I got back, my boss was obviously upset. Which is understandable. However, she also said some things in the email that were blatantly not true. Perhaps the one coworker who I do not like has told her things, perhaps she just wants to blame me for things as an easy way out. I do not know, and I do not care to speculate. The job was wonderful and I had a fantastic time when I worked there. However I am saddened to say that two months ruined two years of a possibly great reference. I understand her desire to focus on the now, but the past two months have been hard in my house. I explained that in the email, but she brushed it off, making comment about work ethic.

I was offended by this. However, more so than my offense that I took about my work ethic from my boss, is the response that it got from a friend. Twin is upset. I'm not sure if it is about her finding out I was moving from my blog, or something else. It hurts to say that this perhaps is the straw. Our fragile friendship was moving in the right direction, but her lack of response to certain things and the tone that is in what she does choose to write to me is clear of the fact that something is not right. It is sad.

However, no matter how saddened I am by the responses I have gotten from the people associated with my job, I am extremely excited.

:)

Soul

Closer

Hey Everyone.

I am currently watching Lost.

I woke up this morning and looked around my room and realized that I would not be waking up to the cool blue walls for much longer. My room is no longer my room. I am in transit. I am not welcome. I am a guest in what used to be my home. I am moving in with Sky on Saturday. This isn't the way we wanted this to happen, but both of us are excited about it.

I am excited about getting there and cleaning. Cleaning calms me. I am excited to just be with Sky. It isn't a trip, it is together. I am scared and excited. More so excited though. We've talked about a lot of things. Mundane things that make me so excited.

I look around my house now and realize that it isn't my home anymore. It is sad. I'm not about to say that it has really set in yet, but it has a little bit. Strange...

:/

Soul

Looking Forward

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Sexy Bitch by David Guetta [For my english class!].

I am so sorry that I have not blogged in a while. Sky was in for a visit and school and work take up so much time. But I am blogging now. :) So please forgive me. :-P I had a bit of a hard time last night. I cried because I missed Sky. A lot of things just washed over me. I think it was good though, because I didn't cry as much after Sky left as I usually do. I had all of these pent up emotions that hadn't come out. Sky is really the best boyfriend ever. I called him in the middle of the night, crying. He woke up and attended to me. Seriously, the best boyfriend ever.

I am looking forward to the next time he is in though. Super excited. We will either be seeing each other either at the end of October or the early-mid November. Either way I am looking forward to a couple things. I want to sleep next to him again. I want to kiss him again. I want to hold hands with him again. I want to see the way his smile starts in his eyes before it travels down to his mouth. I want to kiss my favorite freckle of his. I want to feel his arms around me again. I want to feel safe in his embrace. I want to feel the breath of his whisper in my ear. I want to hear his voice and being able to feel him at the same time. I want a lot. I want all of him.

:)

Soul

Bored...

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to If I can't Have you by Kelly Clarkson.

64 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair.

2. What color is your favourite hoodie? blue

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? definitely

4. Do you plan outfits? depends

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tired but not sleepy

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? a folder.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Sky and I were sitting at a table and holding hands while talking. My dreams are so interesting... :P

8. Did you meet anybody new today? ummm... nope

9. What are you craving right now? sex.

10. Do you floss? I try to remember

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? my coworker of course!!!!

12. Are you emotional? yeah

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? uhhh... not that I recall

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick

15. Do you like your hair? yeppers

16. Do you like yourself? mmhmm. :D

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Definitely. I would go out with any President, that would be fascinating.

18. What are you listening to right now? Ummm, look above, Kelly Clarkson

19. Are your parents strict? hahaha

20. Would you go sky diving? never say never.

21. Do you like cottage cheese? UGH, HELL NO.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? ummm, a famous football player.

23. Do you rent movies often? I redbox movies.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? my diamond necklace is the closest sparkly thing.

25. How many countries have you been to? only US sadly

26. Have you made a prank phone call? oh man... yeah... funny story. [Sky, remind me to tell you that story... mortifying looking back on it]

27. Ever been on a train? yep

28. Brown or white eggs? white

29. Do you have a cell-phone? yeah.

30. Do you use chap stick? not usually

31. Do you own a gun? nope

32. Can you use chop sticks? yep, thanks to Manhattan.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? well, "tonight" is going to be over in 21 minutes.

34. Are you too forgiving? I think I am just the right amount of forgiving.

35. Ever been in love? am currently.

36. Who is your best friend(s)? Platinum.

37. Ever have cream puffs? yeah.

38. Last time you cried? tonight. I'm such a sap.

39. What was the last question you asked? Will you text me before you go to bed?

40. Favourite time of the year? Fall.

41. Do you have any tattoos? no.

42. Are you sarcastic? sarcastic? me? never...

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? HELL YES!

44. Ever walked into a wall? hahaha, multiple times.

45. Favourite colour? midnight blue

46. Have you ever slapped someone? no, but I want to... weird want...

47. Is your hair curly? not naturally

48. What was the last CD you bought? Dark Horse- Nickelback

49. Do looks matter? not the most important thing, but you'd be lying if you said they don't matter at all.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? no.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? nope :)

52. Do you like your life right now? heck yes, for the majority.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? sometimes.

54. Can you handle the truth? yes

55. Do you have good vision? nope.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? dislike, yes. Hate, no.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? every day.

58. The last person you held hands with? My youngest cousin.

59. What are you wearing? gray tank top. Victoria's Secret panties.

60. What is your favourite animal/Mammal? Dogs/cats.

61. Where was your default picture taken at? made it in photoshop

62. Can you hula hoop? not well.

63. Do you have a job? yep >.<

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? flip-flops, duck tape, something for Sky, and lotion.

:)

Soul

My Phone... My Life.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to I want You by Kelly Clarkson.

1. Do you have a camera phone? If so who's the 3rd picture of?
Yes, me.

2. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter m?
My aunt.

3. Who's the last person you called? Why?
Sky! To ask him if he wanted me to buy some duck tape.

4. Who was your last missed call from? Why didn't you pick up?
Sky, because I didn't hear it of course.

5. Who's the 5th person who comes up under C?
My younger cousin.

6. Who's your speed dial number 2?
My mom's cell.

7. Who was your last received call from?
Sky. LOL, is there any wonder why we need to be on the same provider now?

8. What does your banner say?
:( don't have one...

9. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
10, just deleted.

10. What is the background? Why?
my kitty. Because he is the cutest cat EVER.

11. Who's speed dial number 1?
voicemail

12. Who is the 5th message from in your inbox? What's it say?
From my friend... [She needs a nickname... I'm calling her...] Kitten. Her message says- "It just now told me you went mobile... I've still been talking to you lol"

13. Who is the first person under B?
A woman whose daughter I babysit.

14. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
six

15. What service do you have?
AT&T

16. Name every person you have text messages from in your inbox.
Sky, Kitten, Flash, Mediterranean, and another random guy.

17. who is the 5th person under a?
Kitten!

18. who is the 9th person on your missed calls list?
Sky. lol....

19. What does the 6th text message say in your inbox?
Hope all is well babe!

20. who is the first person in your contacts?
Manhattan.

:)

Soul

Sing it With Meeeeeeeeeeee

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson.

One thing about me that my friends and family are sure to tell you right off the bat about me, is that I love to sing. Off-pitch, but without shame. This isn't about my horrendous renditions of "Ain't no Mountain High Enough", this is about how as humans we have moved music into our lives.

Whenever I am sad, I throw on Kate Nash's "The Nicest Thing". Whenever I am mad, I throw on Three Days Grace's "I Hate [everything about you]". My mood dictates what I can stand listening to. Which is why my IPOD has over 10,000 songs. I need music to go about my daily activities. Right now, I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson's "I do not Hook up" while writing this blog. Which can be quite distracting because I want to stand up and dance around as I belt out the lyrics, but I will somehow stop myself. I listen to my favorite "driving music" whenever I am in the car. [I recommend Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell"] I listen to dance music and oldies when I am cooking, such as The Partridge Family's "I think I love you". Every activity that I do has a soundtrack.

I find that most of my friends are the same way. When did music integrate into our daily lives? IPOD headphones are now normal to be seen in offices, walking down the streets, and in classrooms. Music has infiltrated our lives to the point where our bosses think nothing of tapping our shoulders to let us know they need something because we are absorbed in "Right Round" by Flo Rida.

Everywhere I go I see headphones and people listening to their own soundtracks. Does this hinder our interactions with the people around us? Are we forsaking our interpersonal development for the "relationship" between us and our music?

:)

Soul

College Commences

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Chinese by Lily Allen.

I am so sorry that I haven't been blogging as I should be. But I am so super busy with college. I am taking a full course load, 6 classes. Monday started my first class, psych is first. I got to school early and found the class and had some time to walk around. I read a bit too once I found a place I liked to sit. I finally went into class and knew immediately I would like the class. I adore my teacher. We have to do a research paper and I already know what I want to write about. The large topic, not my thesis. There is an extra credit option to blog about psych topics. I love blogging [surprise, surprise!] so I am totally going to do it. The people in that class seem interesting. I can't wait to go back!!! I am positive that this teacher will get a nickname, but I am undecided about it. So stick with this, and you'll get a nickname.

Next class on Monday was an evening class [7 pm], Western Civ. *shudders* The teacher is really dry. My classmates seem to be... unique. As much as I think this class is going to be difficult, I also think that it'll be a good challenge. I am naming this teacher, Jock. Now, I am actually going to tell you the reason behind this nickname. He looks like the character Jock from Lady and the Tramp. Only not cute. But tired. Yep.

Then Tuesday I had my EDUCATION class!!!!!!!! I am soooooooo excited about this class. The projects are amazing and I get to observe in a classroom!!! I like the teacher, her ideals [what I've heard so far] match mine pretty well. I like her approach. I just like the class. I had to make a storybook for this class. It was fun, but time consuming. I wanted to give it my all though because I want to give a good impression.

After ed, I have film. I like the teacher [again].

Okay... yeah... so I wrote that a while ago and I'm not going to finish it. So... yep.

Nerves

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Poker Face by Lady GaGa.

School starts tomorrow. I am really excited. I already know that I am going to stop at Starbucks and get a Chai Tea Latte [I love them! They are my new favorite thing thanks to Sky] before class. I am worried. Well, not worried, but definitely a little nervous. I always get nervous before the first day of school, but this is even bigger, this is college. It is a whole new arena. I am very excited. I already figured out where the wifi areas are so I can talk during my free periods. Although Monday I don't have any... Just 15 minutes between classes. Although I don't know if I am going to bring it my first week... We'll see. I think I'll make that determination tomorrow. I might want to bring it on Tues/Thurs for my downtime. I have over two hours free each day.

I am very excited. This is a new chapter in my life and I cannot wait for it to begin. I love school and can't wait to start back up.

:)

Soul

Here comes college

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Only Hope by Mandy Moore

It is so weird, everyone is going away to college. I log onto facebook and I see all the status messages and I can't help but to feel a little sad. Not because of the people, but because, well, I feel like I am missing out. I know to stay at home was my decision, but it sorta sucks at the same time. I think even more because my home environment is a bit stressful. I know that I am going to love my experience to, and when I do finally make the jump to the four year school, I will be ready for it. *shrugs* I might try and transfer before I get the associate's degree. I might just get 54 credits then transfer. I could do that then start in the Fall semester next year. Who knows. It is something I really need to think about. I need scholarship money. So I reaaaaaally need to start looking at that. I am definitely going to be going in the city. I love the city, so I don't see a reason not to go there. *fingers crossed* I am looking forward to Monday. I promise I will blog all about it!!

:)

Soul

You may pack your knives and leave.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching Top Chef season 5.

The Bravo channel is having a marathon of Top Chef season 5 today. I love Top Chef. Even though I know the winner and the such, but it is just a good show. I am recording and watching them today. That's another thing, I love the DVR. I never watch anything on tv anymore in real time. I always start about 15 or 30 late if I am watching same night.

Anyway, back on topic. Top Chef. I adore the show. Last night was the first episode of season 6, Kevin won the first elimination challenge. In the majority of past seasons, the first elimination challenge was the overall winner. I am interested to see if that is continued in this season.

:)

Soul

Titanic

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Dickhead by Kate Nash.

Tonight is a titanic disappointment. Okay, not really. When I am in a sad mood I watch Titanic and cry and feel all better by the time that it ends. Don't ask why, it just is. Well, the other day I bought some mascara and decided I wanted to test out if it streaks. So today, I thought, what better way to do that then to put on Titanic?

The movie came on, and nothing. Not its usual effect. I think it is because I am so darn happy! Sky has put this happy spell over me. I even was disinterested in the movie. *shocked face* I mean, it's TITANIC!!!! How can you be disinterested??? But I was. So now I am wearing mascara and unable to cry. All thanks to Sky. Making me all cry resistant.

:-P

Soul

Hindsight is 20/20

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Battlefield by Jordin Sparks.

Have I told you all how much I love Sky? Because I do. It's his birthday tomorrow... I wish I was there to celebrate with him. But I am doing what I can. I feel really shitty about his presents because I made sure to think about what I got him and everything, then WHAM, I was careless about the shipping and such. So the presents will not get there until Thurs or Fri. :( It makes me feel really sad and really stupid. I wish that I put as much thought into the shipping as I did the actual presents. I know he says that it is the thought that counts, but I still feel really bad.

My stomach is killing me. I ate some bread with peppercorn in it, and I feel sick. I don't think the bread is good, I just bought the darn loaf!!! Grrrrr... I need money... I am buying shoes tomorrow. They are these great wedges. I am stoked.

:)

Soul

Sky's Words

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Battlefield by Jordan Sparks.

So, I am blogging once again... I have been told that apparently I am a blog-a-holic. I do not mind. I like writing. I think I need to keep in mind though that my frequency is rarely matched. I need to remember that I cannot get upset when someone doesn't blog as often as I do, because not too many people do.

But that was not the topic of this blog. Sky is fantastic, as you all know, but he is great with making me feel good. If I am having a rough day, which I have had a few of over the past couple of weeks, he knows just how to get me through it. If I am sad and missing him, he knows exactly what to say. It is like he can get into my mind and find exactly what I need to hear, because it is not all the same. He is amazing. Just plainly amazing.

I love him so much. I know right now these issues with my family are not the greatest thing, but I think in a weird way, it has made me feel closer to him. I know that he is in this, I have seen that a thousand times over. I am so lucky. I am done letting what anyone says bother me. I haven't let it bring me down, but I have let it hurt, and I am done. I know what I am doing is what is right for me. Everyone else can learn to deal.

:)

Soul

Tingly Toes

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Sweet Dreams by Beyonce.

I am going shopping tonight. With my mom. It is a specific night for us to talk and the such. I am going to get all dressed up and do my hair. I am excited about it. I like shopping. I have some things that I need to shop for. :D

:)

Soul

School Update

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Rebel Yell by Billy Idol.

Just a quick little sentence about that song, I love it. It pretty much is awesome.

I am no longer in my evolution class with Twin. I dropped it in favor of an education class. It works better for me this way. It is definitely a better class for me in the long run. Twin and I had some small issues that stemmed from some miscommunication. I am just not a person who likes to deal with drama and the such, so I opted not to even have a small chance of having an issue in class. I take my schooling very seriously and I don't need anything to obstruct from me getting the best education possible. Just an update.

:)

Soul

Changes.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Don't Trust Me by 3 Oh! 3.

I had a bit of a brain meltdown about what to blog about. Sky ushered me to mindbump.com. It is a bunch of blog prompts. So, I refreshed a few times before coming to one that I thought would fit.

“How have your writing skills changed since you started blogging?”

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My first blog post here as Soul was definitely much different than how they are now. My voice here differs even from this blog to my "naughty blog". I wrote my first blog as Soul on April 3, 2008. That blows my mind. I think that my writing style has progressed into a more mature voice. However I think that my interest in this has at times decreased and increased in certain moments. I think that comes through in my writing as well.

:)

Soul

Soap Operas and Smoothies

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching One Life to Live.

I love my soap opera... It is amazingly amazing. I never thought I would be a person to love a soap opera. The cheesy lines and crazy story lines always made me roll my eyes. Then I started watching one day, and fell in love. All of the twisted people and their twisted lives. They pretty much are all related and are constantly switching partners. I think that it is brilliant though. It definitely keeps me coming back for more.

I want a smoothie. Really bad. I am thinking of making one... Bananas, pineapple, ice... I think I have some blueberries too. I might throw some of them in there too. Although I really have a craving for peanut butter. I have none in my house though. I checked. I was really sad. I would have made a peanut butter banana milkshake then. More calories, but it would be delicious. Mmmm. Anyway... I'm just chilling.

:)

Soul

College

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Make me Believe by Angel Taylor.

College is coming up in a couple weeks, 20 days exactly. It is such a mind trip when I think about it. College is something I have been thinking about since my freshmen year of high school. Now it is here. I am so excited about it. I cannot wait to get into classes that are harder and be able to discuss things to a great extent. I am excited about the longer class periods even! I am taking a class with Twin even! Which I am very happy about. I will be going to classes Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I am happy about the long weekend, and the midweek break.

I am taking a literature class on gender and sexuality that I am sooooo excited about. The course description is "This section will explore how definitions of gender and sexuality affect our lives, choices and identities in powerful ways. We will read a variety of women's and men's viewpoints and will analyze, research and write essays on topics such as advertising, pornography, sports and work." I am looking to dive right in. I know that I will be able to offer a great deal to the class. I am looking to incorporate my own knowledge into the subject, but am also looking forward to adding to my knowledge. Not to mention it is a class in my strong suit, English.

Then I am taking an evolution class that Twin is enrolled in as well. It satisfies a requirement and it is a class with Twin, so I am excited. If Twin wasn't taking this, then I don't think I would have taken it my first semester, but it something that sounds interesting.

I also have a speech class, which I am thrilled about. I need to remember to keep my excitement to a minimum the first day at least. My oral communication skills are definitely up to par, so I don't think I will have a problem in this class. My speech class in high school was amazing, and I was one of three people to walk out of the class with an A. I am confident in the arena. Also, so far this is one of the only classes that has a lot of seats open [9]. I hope it stays that way. Speech classes are always better with a smaller number of people.

Then I have an Early Western Civilization class. I am a bit wary about this one. I know that I will need to study for this class and really pay attention. I know that with the amount of time that the class covers and the time we have to cover it... *geesh* I think this will be an interesting, but time consuming class. Although this class only has 13 students enrolled right now, I hope it stays near that number, I like the more personal classes and I would love it for this subject.

I have an Intro to Psych class, which I am really only taking so I can take abnormal psych and adolescent psych. I have already taken an intro to psych class in high school. So this should be relatively easy. Another reason I say that is because Twin took the class and I remember her talking about it and knowing A LOT of what she was talking about.

Then, the class I'm enrolled in, is Film and Society. I don't really know what this class will involve, but it sounds cool. So I have an open mind as to what to expect.

That's what my life is going to be like soon. I am very excited.

:)

Soul

Procrastination at its finest

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Be my Lover by La Bouche.

The last thing I should be doing right now is blogging. I need to be cleaning, and packing. Oh damn, I still need to empty the dishwasher too... *sighs* today has been busy to say the least. Some life changing decisions were made, and now I need to be preparing. Which I am soooo excited about. I don't really want to talk about it now though. I don't want to jinx anything. Not that it would jinx anything, but I just don't think I am going to blog about it until next week. You'll find out Until then, sit on your pins.

:)

Soul

Project Recipe

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift.

I have this project that I am working on, a cookbook. One with recipes that I have collected from cookbooks that I own and various websites. I have thought about doing it for a while, but I finally had a reason to do it. I know it might sound completely silly, but I like thinking, I could cook this for Sky. *blushes* I just love him. Making him dinner is HIGH on my list of things that I want to do. I love cooking/baking anyway but doing it FOR SKY is what makes me smile. I have dabbled here and there with cooking from scratch, usually that happens when I'm with Hattie and Grandâme. I like the thought of doing it more often.

Anyway, I have started writing recipes that I know I would like to try. I know I am going to make dinner one night this week for my Mom. I have only gone through one of my own cookbooks so far and then websites, so my agenda for today and this week is to get through the rest of the cookbooks that I own.

:)

Soul

Slips of Time.

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Fine by Debra Arlyn.

When I was in my first and second year of high school writing notes was the coolest thing to do. You would spend whole class periods writing about the mundane things to pass along to your "BEST FRIEND" during passing period. I remember coming home some days and having the bottom of my backpack littered with the neatly folded pieces of notebook paper. I always deposited them in this decorative pink box. Once the note exchanges dwindled, the box got forgotten. It was put in a remote corner of my closet and never looked at.

Well, today I was going through my closet and finding all sorts of things I didn't remember I had. [Such as I have SOOOO much freakin' jewelry!] Then the pink box was found. I smiled at the memory of all the classes I wasted writing about how cold I was in class, or how much I wanted to fall asleep but absolutely refused [saved falling asleep in class until senior year. Classy.]. I opened the top of the box and was actually a little surprised at how full it was. However considering how often I was writing and exchanging notes, I guess I shouldn't have been. I remember actually fretting over that Mail wasn't going to be able to get her note until 4th period and Manhattan wouldn't get hers until 6th period. Oh the horror! Still, as much as it amuses me now to think back on it, it was fun. As silly as telling people about what I ate for dinner seems now, at least we talked. Now our communications are saved for 160 character text messages.

I'm not saying I'm going to start writing notes again, but I understand why it was so fun back then. I have the box on my bed and I am going to read through some of them now. There are a lot, so I don't know how much I will be able to get through, but I think a walk down memory lane will be fun.

:)

Soul

Singing

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to More Like Ker by Miranda Lambert.

I love singing. I am horrible at it, but I love it. I cannot help myself. Give me some cheesy 70s song and I am set! Heartbeat... it's a lovebeat... I can sing some songs pretty well He's a little shy so she gave him a smile... But overall, it is just for fun. I think that everyone needs those kinds of things.

I know that I have mentioned before that I love music, but singing is such a part of that. It is great, because even if I'm singing a song that I sooooo should not be singing Mamaaaa... Didn't mean to make you cry.... I can still be happy with myself. I love that I can be myself. I am really not self conscious. I have even sang in the hallways of my high school in the past. It's not because I have the greatest voice [not obnoxiously, just did it for my own enjoyment...] but it is because I like singing.

Like I touched on before, I think everyone should have something that equates to my singing. Something that you are not fabulous at. Something that makes you happy. Something that you are comfortable in your own skin doing. When you have all three of those things wrapped together, I think you can honestly say you are comfortable in your own skin. When you can showcase a weakness and be comfortable with other people seeing it, but still be happy with it, that is amazing.

:)


Soul

Sky is good for me!

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching a baby monitor still.

So, I just read Sky's new blog post and I have been thinking lately on how much he has influenced me. I have grown up in a very materialistic town where people feel very entitled to the nicest things. I am not materialistic and it annoys me to no end that people who surround me are. I have stopped being friends with people based on it. I don't care if you just bought a new coach purse and have eighteen Chanel dresses. I don't really see the purpose it buying something for 10x the amount just because it has a designer stamp on it. I am not saying that you can't buy designer things, I have Coach purses, I have a Gucci scarf, I have other purses as well. [I've never actually bought any of it for myself though] I have gotten them as gifts. I'm not saying I wouldn't buy it for myself, just haven't yet. Having a couple of staple items, is great! I feel like I have gotten off topic though.

Even though the materialism bug hasn't bitten me, I am not completely perfect. Sky has some ideas about helping the economy HERE that I agree with. Once I hear him say them, it makes so much sense. I have always preferred to buy American products, but with the down turn in the economy, it is so much easier to run to the bargain store and buy a product made in China for a cheaper price. However, if we support American made products, it is better for the American economy. Makes sense. I have started to implement this in my life. I made a conscious decision yesterday to make sure I bought an American product. It is easy. Reading some labels, maybe forking over a couple extra bucks, but if it means an upturn in the economy, it's worth it... at least to me. So yeah, I feel like this might have been a little all over the place, but that's it.

:)

Soul

Missin' Soul

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently watching a baby monitor.

So, it's Thursday and Sky has been gone since Sunday. It's been hard on me. I'm not going to lie. I miss him. It is much harder this time around. Which is understandable. This time we did so much more than last time. We had much more together time that was not about sex. Which makes a person fall more in love... Well, at least it makes me fall more in love... I've gotten through the days better now. Monday was a hard day, but now I can get through the days without tearing up. The nights are hard though.

My bed seems empty. My arms seem misplaced. The tears come then. I have this baby beenie baby that I got when I was with Sky, and I sleep with it in my hand every night. It helps a little. It is not the same as being able to curl up next to him and feel his flesh next to mine. I got spoiled. I know this. I don't mind. I just want it back.

Last night, Sky and I were talking on the phone and I was in bed. I closed my eyes, pretending he was next to me. It worked for a moment. I could almost smell him [although that might have been the aroma from one of the shirts I have of his]. Then the moment came back to me. I realized he was hundreds of miles away. I broke down a bit. But he knows just the way to make me feel better. I was done crying within two minutes because he had calmed me.

So, I am going a little crazy about this crying thing. I hate crying. I used to never cry at anything in real life. Oh sure, give me a good sappy movie, and the tears will come, but never at real life things. However, now I cry so fricken much. I don't like it. However, I don't know how to stop. I used to NEVER be like this. I know it is about the distance. The tears come when I think about how is not here, or how long it'll be until I see him again. *shrugs* So I know that once we are together, all this stupid crying will finally stop. Thank goodness...

:)

Soul

Here Kitty... kitty? KITTY!!!!

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash.

Sky has a webcam at work, that he apparently forgot to turn off. I logged onto yahoo and saw that he was logged on, then saw the "view my webcam" and got really excited. I clicked it and HE POPPED UP! He was on screen and I got soooo excited. But nope, it is just a frozen image. Bummer right? Oh well. He had on this really nice red shirt today. I don't know why I liked it so much... I just did. It looked really red... Gosh, I sound like an idiot when I say that, but it's true! He's just sexy. He'd look good in some shoelaces and nothing else... But then again, I am completely bias, but it is a bias I love.

Alright, well I wanted to blog about what I did tonight, but I don't have time because I am about to collapse from exhaustion. That'll be tomorrow's topic.

:)

Soul

Shopping Exhaustion

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Breathe by Faith Hill.

I am soooo tired. My sleep schedule has been so off kilter the past couple of days. I went shopping tonight and feel like a ton of bricks hit me. It was exhausting. I don't know why, it just was. I got a really nice Summer robe though. I also got some new workout pants, they are super comfy. My biggest problem with workout pants is that I want to wear them ALL the time because of the level of comfort. Besides that I got a bunch of odds and ends. I got toothpaste, mouthwash, a card, among other things.

So, I am really tired and I'm going to go to bed. I just really wanted to blog a little. I was going to blog about something specific on my other blog, but I am just not coherent enough to write it. So perhaps tomorrow, perhaps not. We will see...

:)

Soul

Journey

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Paparazzi by Lady Gaga.

So I blogged like no one's business last night. Not here (obviously), but on my new blog. I love it. I feel like my blogs there have subjects. I like it. But I wanted to prove to all you Soul-ites that I am not abandoning this blog. I know some of my friends are following me here and I am not up and leaving this blog. Look how long I've been here! It's been quite a journey here. I started as a wee little junior in high school. Crazy to think that now.

SIX DAYS TO VACATION!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how this blog is going to hold up in the time I'm gone. Maybe post a couple of times, but maybe not. It's all up in the air. I don't think that blogging will be on my mind too much though ;) .

That's all I guess.

:)

Soul

New blog

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Untouched by The Veronicas.

I have a new blog. It is called Soul's Inner Life. It is about my sex life. There is a lot in there that a lot of people will not understand/accept. I am fine with that. I just ask that if you are not ok with it, then leave it. Stick with this blog. Now that I have that output, I won't be so conflicted here. :) So it really is for the best. If you do read it, please start with the first blog post. Thank you.

:)

Soul

Rhapsody Confusion

Hey Everyone!

I’m currently listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

Alright, so I am trying out this whole “Windows Live Writer”.  We will see if I like it…

I have been thinking about something recently.  It is a thought that goes and comes, not like it is an everyday thought…  I still stop myself from writing certain things here.  I mean, TWIN reads this!  Not that I care, because I would tell her these things anyway, but I guess writing it where I know people can read it… it's just different.  *shrugs* I don’t know.  So, all that you get to know is that I am thinking about something more and more lately.

:)

Soul

Pride and Joy

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughan.

I am so excited for next Monday. I am going on vacation. I have most of the clothes that I am bringing, but there are of course some "maybe" clothes. The hardest thing is deciding what to wear on Monday. I really want to wear jeans because I bought these amazingly hot shoes that really only go with jeans/blue things. But then again, I really wanted to wear this one white dress on Monday. *sighs* oh the choices... It's not that big of a deal, but I just like thinking about Monday.

To be honest, I daydream about it. But for once, I don't feel bad about admitting that. It was a huge faux pas to admit to one of my exes that I was thinking about him when we weren't together. It was a "waste" and "time consuming" and a multitude of other things. He would yell at me whenever I would say I was thinking about him. That's one thing I adore about Sky, it is okay to think about him. Hell, it better be, I'm done with all the bullshit. I am so lucky that we found each other. He truly is what I want. I know it sounds extremely cliche, but he is what I have been looking for. Well, I guess that is not completely true. I wasn't looking. I was fine with what I was doing. But being with him, it's just right. I know in my heart, that something feels right about this. Writing this, is sooooo hard for me. Talking about my feelings for him... in a place where he can read it... I have been taught [in previous relationships] not to share how I feel. Don't say if you like something, it doesn't matter what I like or how I feel, that is how I was "trained" to think. Every time I open up or say something personal, I feel like I am doing something wrong still.

Well, as much as I would love to stay and relay all my past, I've got to get to work.

:)

Soul

Overworked

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Nicest Thing by Kate Nash.

The song that I am listening to [also singing...] is brilliant. It has brought me to tears on multiple occasions. In fact, once I was singing it and balling my eyes out. It would have been mighty embarrassing if anyone else was around to see it. Anyway, I wanted to link the lyrics because they are so hauntingly beautiful. They are so sad.

My mind has been working overtime lately. It is Summer, I should be taking a well deserved break! But then again, I took a year long break called senior year so maybe this is just payback. Although what I am thinking about has nothing to do with equations or colloquial language. College plans have changed majorly for me in the past three weeks. MAJORLY. I hate it, but I will deal. Part of me wonders if it all happened for a reason. After all, everything happens for a reason...

*sighs*

I want a new laptop. I need a new laptop. I have this one, but the memory is crap, I can't store anything on here. Well... certain things are stored... *cough* Mark... *cough* Derrick...

As soon as I get back from vacation I am going to start my recipe project. I am soooooo excited about it!!! Seriously, I am more excited about this than most of the other projects I have done in the past.

Well, end of rambling...

:)

Soul

Brrrrrrrkink

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Halo by Beyonce.

First things first, I am freezing my tits off right now. I'm at the library and it is cold! I wish I was wearing pants, heavy winter pants. Who says that in the middle of summer? INSANE people that's who! Or people at the library. I'm in the second grouping.

Now onto the reason why I am blogging today. I miss Sky. I was reading a blog that is written by a couple who is into some kinky things like we are, and the amount of love that they have is just so evident. I like that. It might sounds silly, but I think love is more abound [tehehehe] in the kink relationships. They seem to be more open and honest with each other. They also seem to be deeper bonds. At least that is how I see it.

Yep, that's what I think. Blogging more later.

<3

Soul

Let's talk about writing...

Hey Everyone.

I'm currently listening to Undeniable by Mat Kearney.

Alright, so you all know my passion for writing. After all, my motto for this page is "Go ahead, cut me, see that? That's ink, not blood. I'm programmed to write, it's my blood.". Which I think I wrote in a fit of brilliance. I love that line. Anywoo...

So, you remember my writing way back in the beginning of the blog, when I was writing America's next bestselling novel. Well, that never panned out. Oh well, tis life. I realize now, that as much as I love writing, and as much as I have these great ideas, I cannot write a novel. Well, at least not at this point in my life. I have however realized that I can write short stories. I have written a few adult themed stories. [erotica] I have gotten really good feedback on them and I think I have improved tremendously in even the past couple of months.

Well, onto the real topic of this blog (that was all back stuff). I am writing a short story right now, and it is based heavily on Sky and me. The characters are based off of us, but the story is completely fictional. I have to admit, I am loving writing it. I think I have enjoyed the backstory writing as much as I have the dirtier writing. I think it is because the backstory writing allows me to daydream about the future with Sky. Which is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. It is hard not to be around him everyday, so I find myself thinking about times when I will be.

Well, I just wanted to say, I am writing this bit of adult themed writing [erotica] right now. I am loving it. And that's pretty much all.

Have a good day.

<3

Soul

random odds and ends

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to an episode of CSI: NY.

I am enjoying Summer. I'm having a nice time. It is my first summer without Grandâme and Hattie. Usually I go to their house for the Summer. I get super tan and have loads of fun. Of course I also shop like there is no tomorrow. That is where I get most of my clothes actually. I think it gets my mom a little upset because most of my clothes are paid for by them. My mom is not my favorite shopping partner though most times. It is because Grandâme spoils me, that is the grandparent's job. :D

Anyway... not much else on my mind I guess. I am SUPER tired. I didn't sleep wonderfully last night. (That's putting it mildly) I really don't even want to go to work today. I want to go to sleep and sleep for HOURS.

OH! I went shopping today for when Sky and I are together in a couple weeks. Snack-y kind of foods. It made me soooo happy to know that what I was buying was going to be for him. He makes me happy. Like I have pointed out in other posts, it is the little things that he does. *sighs happily* I just love him.

<3

Soul

Babysitting and Calming my Fears

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Our Song by Taylor Swift.

I babysat last night. I've been babysitting for this family for years. I love them all and am always very very happy to go over there. The little girl is the most adorable thing. Last night was the first time I actually put her to sleep. Usually I go over there during the days or later at night when she is already sleeping. Well, last night I fed her, we played, then I got her ready for bed. After finishing her bathroom rituals, where apparently I squeezed the toothpaste out wrong :P and reading six books for goodnight stories, I finally got her tucked in. Then she looks up at me and says, "I can just stay up with you? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase? I just want to play with you". My heart melted. She is the cutest thing. I of course convinced her to go to sleep, but that was the cutest little thing.

Well, then I was there for a few hours after she fell asleep which I got to read and do some crosswords, but I also got to think. I know, dangerous activity right there. I got to thinking about Sky. You know what I adore about him? I remembered this one time we were riding public transit to get to a concert, and the whole thing was shaking and unstable. I wasn't freaking out verbally, but my eyes were shut tight and I was gripping onto one of the steel bars for life. He stood there and held onto me, making sure I was safe. I love that. How in one little gesture, I can feel so safe. He took the fear away. I was still a bit on edge, but I was no longer scared.

=)

Soul

Messages

Hey Everyone.

I'm currently waiting for Family Guy to come on.

Alright, I just messaged Sky. I'm a bit nervous about his response. I hate overthinking things. Eh, who knows, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm not.

Alright, that's all, I'm shutting off my computer.

=\

Soul

Managing

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to No Surprises by Chris Daughtry.

Alright, so it has been brought to my attention that I plan things. More than that, I microplan things. I know that I do this. I am a very ahead of time person. I love living in the moment, don't get me wrong, but I also like the comfort of knowing that things are planned out and there is no chaotic rush to figure out how things are going to work. I know that everyone is different. I can live with not knowing what is going on this weekend. I really can. I swear.

It is one area where Sky and I don't match up. I knew this even when I met him. He is a very, I don't even know the right word for it... But he is it. :P He has pointed out a couple of times to me that I plan, I know it is annoying, and I knew that before we met too. It is something that I have been trying to work on. But I sometimes think that my desire to plan gets on his nerves.

Do you want to know something I adore about Sky though? He sends me these little texts. Today he sent me one, "Keep smiling, beautiful...". I know, it seems so simple, so little, but those are the things that really show that he cares. He took time out of his night, to send me something sweet. Trust me, I kept on smiling. It's the fact that he doesn't do it all the time, it is random nights/times. So yeah, that is something I adore about Sky...

<3

Soul

Shrimp Cats!

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Because of You by Nickelback.

If I was making dinner tonight for another person and I, I think I would make some grilled shrimp and rice. Just saying... That's what I think I would want to make tonight. What to know something interesting? I only enjoy cooked shrimp. Hot off the grill/out of the fryer. I cannot stand cold shrimp. There is something about it that sets me off. I can eat a few, but I don't like it. I really don't. Interesting? Maybe not. But true.

My cat is reaaaaaaaally adorable. I am sitting at my kitchen table right now and there are four chairs. Since it is only my mom and I, we only use two (duh). My cat has taken a chair for himself. He only sits there when the sun is on the chair, but it is the cutest thing. But anyway, he is sitting on the chair laying down, and I am sitting on another chair. I don't really process that he is sitting next to me since he is just sleeping. Then he goes and rests his little paw on my leg. He's just really cute.

Cats live a long time. It's a fact, they do. My cat is young. He will be four years old next month. He's still got a good decade plus in him. Which makes me happy, because I love him. I know that in that time though I will be moving out of my mom's house. I have always wanted to take my cat with me. He is mine after all. However, thinking about things recently, I think maybe I won't take him with... Which makes me sad. I love my cat... I love cats in general. I love dogs too, but cats are smarter. Let's just be honest.

Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is happening. I know it is silly. I know that if something bad was happening I would know, but it sometimes grips me and I can't shake it.

:(

Soul

Arctic Kitchen

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Size Matters by Joe Nichols.

I'm cold. I find that very funny. It is the kind of hot that makes you sweat, but you don't have the chance to sweat because the sweat evaporates before it has the chance to be sweat. Whew, that took me a while to make enough sense of it to type it out. But I am inside, and that heat is outside. Inside I have the air conditioning, and of course our air conditioning is set to Arctic temperatures.

Alright, well, a few moments ago I had no clue what I was going to write about, but now I do. Funny how that happens.

Arctic. That's the name of one of my cousin's stuffed polar bears. He has Arctic and Polar. Creative, I know. He is adorable with them. He sleeps with them every night. I had something like that, she was a doll. She wore this cute green dress. I loved her. I slept with her every night, without fail. I don't remember when I stopped needing her. I don't remember when it was ok for me to go to sleep without her wrapped tightly in my arms. When I really take the time to think about it now, it makes me sad in a way. I know I still have the doll, but I have no clue where she is. How sad is that? Something that for YEARS was soooo important to me is probably stuffed into a dark corner and is forgotten. I think tomorrow I will look for her and set her out on a shelf somewhere.

Alright, so I am thinking of adding a segment to my blog... THINKING about it. You guys are all used to the standard "Hey everyone" greeting, along with what is currently blasting in my ear. Throwing something else at you... Could you handle it??? :P I am going to integrate it slowly I think. In a very non-obvious way.

Oh, so, I just got off the phone with Sky. The people who read my blog know about him. I want him so badly. I miss him a lot. I know that some people don't understand us. But I know what makes me happy, and he makes me happy. The littlest things that he does just make me smile. We talked tonight and it was such a nice conversation. I love talking to him. Some day soon we will be able to talk face to face and not have the phone pressed to our ears. I cannot wait for that day. Do you want to know something I adore about Sky? He likes to have his dishes clean before they are put in the dishwasher. We were talking about things that we don't like doing or things that are done in the house. He started talking about the kitchen. I know it sounds completely dorky/weird, but I love cleaning the kitchen. I think it's because I like cooking so much. I need a clean kitchen. Well then we got on the topic of dishes. We have the same views. I know it sounds completely weird, but imagine if someone you were with didn't have the same view of how a clean kitchen should be kept! I don't know... maybe it is something that I am weird about.

Well, I am heading off to bed...

<3

Soul

Hey Everyone.

I'm currently listening to Heartless by Kanye West.

*sighs* So yesterday was Father's day. Always a weird day for me. I've blogged about my father once or twice, but I really hate to do it. He never was a part of my life. Well, that is not entirely true, he went in and out of my life when I was younger. I was always the adult in that relationship. I'm lucky that I was mature in my younger years, well, still am, but I grew up quickly. I don't know what this blog is really about. I read the Father's Day post by MetroDad and of course my mind then went to my father.

I sometimes still think about why he couldn't get his act together and be in my life. He loved my mother, and was broken hearted until the day he died. I know their relationship has affected me in my life and what I want from my relationship. I know what I want, and I am not really too willing to compromise. I understand that relationships take a certain amount of compromise, I'm not saying I'm not willing to compromise within a relationship, but I know what I want out of life. I know what my plans are. I know what I want in the next decade. I don't know... maybe I'm not making sense.

*sighs* Alright, that's it for now. I need to do a happier post later...

:/

Soul

Friends.

Hi Everyone.

I'm currently listening to Heartbeat (it's a love beat) by The DeFranco Family.

Mmkay everyone. Let me lay something on you.

Friends.

They are great!!! I think that I have a core group of friends that I will carry through life. The funny thing is, I have mentioned Platinum only once or twice before, but she is my closest girlfriend. She has always supported me. She listens and cares. She never judges. She is what all friends should be like. I know, this is coming from a late night ramble, but it's true. I love her to the ends of the universe. I know I can say something, and even if she doesn't understand or doesn't agree, she will either ask questions until she understands, or just be happy that I am happy. *sighs* I know, I know, you are all super confused at what I am talking about. Like I said in a previous post, I debate with myself whether or not to bring a certain aspect to my blog... For now, I guess I won't... Even though part of me wants to. I think it would take multiple posts to explain though. Maybe I am just looking too deep into it. Maybe I could jump in with two feet and never look back... We'll save that for another late night ramble post.

But ANYWAY, my BEST guy friend, I have actually never mentioned on here before. He is another person who never judges me, and knows every gritty detail about my life. I love him like no one's business. We've had a crazy interesting relationship. Seriously, asking about how we met always gets a laugh out of people. ANYWAY... I need to get him a nickname, and I know he will kill me if he ever finds out about it but OH WELL!!! His nickname is going to be Bunny. LOL.

So now you know about two more of my friends. They are the true blue friends that I have. I know that fifty years from now Platinum will be knocking on my door asking how the sex last night went, and then Bunny will be parking his Ferrari on the wrong side of the street running up my door to make sure he doesn't miss one detail. We fit together. We may be dysfunctional, but we are a nutty family deal. Nothing misses one person. I guess my openness about my life either drives people away, or brings people closer. I am beyond glad that I have the friends I have, because they know the real me, and I don't need to hide anything. I love them.

<3

Soul

Hey! Look at me! LOOK!!! LOOKATME!!!!

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to True Affection by The Blow.

Hey! Look at me! I'm blogging on a consistent basis. I rock.

Alright, I am shouting from the mountain tops about my love for...







WATER!!! I bet you thought I was going to say Sky didn't you? I love Sky too. But, back on topic! I love water. I drink lots and lots of water. I have this 32 oz reusable water bottle and it is FAN-tastic. It really is so useful. I can bring it to work, I put it on my nightstand for during the night, etc. I use the thing ALL the time.

New topic? Headaches. I hate headaches. I got a MASSIVE headache yesterday and I took two advil, hasn't really helped. I need to take two more. Especially before I go to work. Ooo, work! Twin is coming back to work today!!!! I am BEYOND happy about it. Work has been sooooo boring without her. I can only rely on Sky so much to text. He has a job and things to do, he can't be texting me just because I have nothing to do at work.

My head hurts, sorry for the jumpiness of this post.

<3

Soul

Do these tears belong to someone?

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.

Alright, now forgive me in advance please, because this is one of those rambling posts that I need to write because I need to get the thoughts out some place.

Sky and I joined a social networking site together. It fits US and what we like. Well anyway, the people on there just have a way of describing what I feel perfectly sometimes. I miss Sky sooo much at certain times. It's really unexplainable. I look forward to him coming to see me like nobody's business. It is this fire in the middle of my chest that doesn't go away. Ahhh!!! That sounds so weird... I sometimes think that I must be going insane to feel this great all the time. He makes me smile, and giggle. He makes me feel good. I feel better when we're together. I love talking to him. I just want to be around him.

But, I miss him. I don't cry. I really don't. Not to real life stuff. Pop in a movie, I'll ball my eyes out. But real life? Nope. Not my thing. However, with Sky... GEESH!!! I find that I am crying once a week! Most of the times he doesn't know about... He's known about a couple in the past. He is really great about it. Once he gets here, I know that the crying will go away. Because I cry when I miss him. Granted, I miss him everyday, but there are certain days, where I feel like it's pressing down on me. Those are the days I want him the most. Gosh, I am soooo rambling... And now I feel like an idiot for telling you all about my crying spells.

Well, now I am going to go hide in a corner, toodles!

:]

Soul

Agony at work

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Halo by Beyonce.

So, work has been AGONY lately. I've been working alone because Twin is on vacation right now. I hate it. Sky keeps me company somewhat by texting, but still, it's not the same as having Twin there to keep me company and such. Although today I pretty much thought my way through it. I actually surprised that the time passed so quickly. I was thinking about random little things. Majority of the thoughts were about Sky. Big surprise right? But it did pass quickly and I was even going to work longer but then another coworker showed up and it's always a little awkward working alongside her, because I feel like I am stealing work. And my time was up, so I left.

I am very excited about tonight though. Sky had his phone stolen a week ago (exactly a week ago now that I think about it). He only had a cell, so that is our means of phone communication. It has been hard on me not being able to talk to him at night. But he is getting his phone, so therefore tonight he is going to be able to call!!! :D

I've been writing some adult material lately. I've gotten some really great responses to it. I've written here in the past about my desire to be a published author. Well, short adult fiction seems to be the only thing that I can finish writing. So this Summer I am going to try to write enough pieces to put them together in a collection and see if I can get that published. :) We'll see how it goes!

=)

Soul

Recipes

Hey Everyone!

I'm currently listening to birds chirping outside my window.

Ok, so this is going to talk about two things, my new adoration for recipes and Sky.

Recipes-

Recipes are freaking GREAT!!! I love them. I have started this thing with myself where I ask myself, "what would I make for dinner tonight". I love cooking. It is definitely something that relaxes me and I truly love seeing other people enjoy my food. So I've been looking at recipes and I am going to start a recipe project. I'm going to get a bunch of recipe books and start filling them. :D Simple, but I'm really looking forward to it.

OK, now... Sky. I don't think I have the words to accurately describe how much he makes me happy. The relationship is so freeing. I have my role, and he has his, and it works. It is the most comfortable and happiest I've ever been with someone. Even though I've written that, it doesn't even begin to really say how I feel. I want him, I miss him, and I love him.

<3

Soul

Three Grrrrs and One to Smile

Hey Everyone!

I’m currently listening to Who’d Have Known by Lily Allen.

So, I went to an event today and ended up in an interesting conversation with a couple of ladies. They were asking me about my plans for the future. I told them about my plans to be an English teacher. The chit chat was pleasant and not too in depth. Then one of the ladies asked why I wanted to be an English teacher. I launched into my usual “thing” on how I have always loved reading and inspiring people to love the language and literature as much as I do, will be fantastic.

Then… it happened…

Another lady who was listening said something about having all the time off so I could travel or pursue other things of my liking. Without even thinking I made a comment about how it will be perfect because I will be able to concentrate more on my house and husband. The lady was aghast at the comment, as were two other ladies in the conversation.

I had to listen to three ladies attack my personal wants today. It is quite annoying to have people think that my wants are “archaic” and “stupid”. One of the ladies in the conversation was genuinely interested in how someone my age would have such a view, and after getting attacked I went to a corner and talked to her about it.

So even though I had to deal with the three ladies, the one was really nice and happy that I could make such a “mature and healthy” decision.

Two of the women who attacked me and my wants are not married and never have been. The other one just got divorced a year ago (or a little over). I am not surprised. She was rambling off on how no woman should be a “doting little June Cleaver”. Maybe if she had a little more June in her, she would still be married…

I’m not saying that what I want works for everyone, I don’t preach it off mountain tops. You have to figure out what works for you, but I know what will work for me.

Overall, annoyed at three ladies and happy with one.

= )

Soul

Still Thinking Along!

Hey Everyone!

I’m currently watching Criminal Minds.

Alright everyone, here is part two of my book commentary on The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. :D

There is a section titled “Responding to His Crazy Ideas”. Doyle’s thoughts are that you should reply “Whatever you think” no matter what you hear your husband saying. I don’t know how I feel about this. I agree with it to some extent, but there are times when opinions will be asked, or your input will be needed. I may be submissive, but I have my own thoughts and I like them to be valued. I am not saying I am shooting down ideas, and I am definitely not suppressing my opinions or thoughts when I have them. There needs to be discussion in certain areas. However, once my opinion is given, the decision is left to him. That’s how I think it needs to be. At least, that’s what I think…

On page 59 the author talks about conversations that she had with her husband before she adapted the “surrendered wife” method. Before she even picks apart what she said wrong, and what she could have said better, I already picked things out. I think that is the major reason why I say that the novel is for women looking to relinquish control rather than women who feel that this is just right. To me, what Doyle instructs, seem like the proper way to do things. I think reading the book is more for the women trying to give up power to help their relationships. At least, that’s what I think…

Hmmm… So… I have been struggling with myself for a little bit to go a bit further into my life with all of you blog readers. I have been fairly “normal” on my blog so far. I could be your best friend, your sister, or the girl next door, but delving into my opinions the past couple days makes it a struggle to keep some aspects of my life out of here. I’m still debating… Twin tells me to keep certain things off of here, but I have read some friends’ blogs. I can think of one person in particular who had two blogs, one for bedroom activities and that type of things then another blog for all things else. He finally got sick of the segregation and combined the two and said “damns to hell”. I’ve been thinking of doing the same. But I don’t know yet… I think that by reading some of the things I have written, you can tell what my preferences in a relationship are, but maybe not… Hmmm…

Alright, I have skimmed through the rest of the book and just am not completely impressed. 99% of the subject matter that is gone over is for someone looking to change their habits, I already have these habits. So, I skimmed. :) I thought it was a decent book, but not for submissive women already, but women looking to improve intimacy and life within their relationships. Like I said previously, this is something you have to do willingly not something you should be forced into, you will never be happy if this is not your CHOICE. At least, that’s what I think…

: )

Soul

At least, that's what I think

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to If Today was your Last Day by Nickelback.

Alright everyone, I figure I might as well talk about this marvelous book I'm reading. It's called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I am going to go through it while blogging and tell you what I think. I know that my opinions are not those of others, and I am fine with that. But they are my opinions, so if you don't agree, well, we can agree to disagree.

So, I am only on page 21 so far, but I think it is intriguing so far. One of the most important things that I think the author stresses is that this is a conscious CHOICE. No woman (IMHO) should live this way against her will, she would never be happy. But that being said, I think that the women who do choose this lifestyle, they can find more happiness than they thought possible.

There is the idea presented in the book that you cannot have intimacy without vulnerability. I like that idea. I know that I have been vulnerable with Sky recently. I can count on one hand the times that I have cried in front of previous exes. And only one of those times was because I was hurt emotionally. ONLY ONCE. No wonder I never felt connected to them. I have cried a bit with Sky, not because he has hurt me, but because our situation brings up a lot of emotions. Things that I would usually be able to deal with right in the moment with someone I can’t because of the distance. So we have talked through the problems and honestly, I can say that I feel closer to him than anyone before him. Being with him feels right. Also, I think that opening myself up like that, crying and showing him a part of me that I am scared to usually show someone I am with, has made me more vulnerable and in turn, have a deeper intimacy. At least, that is what I think…

There is a line in the book that says that the wife is not responsible for all the problems. “Your husband has plenty of areas he could improve too, but that’s nothing [the wife] can control” (25). However, “That’s nothing [the wife] can control” and “[the wife] can only control [herself]”. I completely agree with this. Taking all of the responsibility for things that go wrong in a relationship is insane. There are certain things that will go wrong, some the wife’s fault, some the husband’s fault, but the only thing that we can do is control ourselves. Recognizing this and accepting it, is key to letting the problems go away easier. At least, that is what I think…

I think one of the most important passages in the book (that I have read so far) is when not to surrender. There is a difference from a powerful, in control husband to an abusive husband. In an abusive relationship, GET OUT. It is very important to read over this list and know when not to surrender. This is not an “At least, that is what I think…”, this is what I KNOW.

Alright, but, there are things in the book that I don’t agree with, on page 35 it outlines a scenario about a scene in a car where a husband misses a turn. The book says, “he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing”. To me, that seems crazy. If we are going someplace, why would I not say, “Hunny, you missed the turn”? I am not going to be rude about it, I definitely would not say, “You missed the exit! Do you not know how to read a road sign???”. There are proper and improper ways to say things, and to me, ending up in Timbuktu is not a thing I want (and nor does the person I am with). At least, that’s what I think…

It is interesting because Doyle relates everything to trust. If a wife tells her husband that he is taking an inefficient way to work it is because she does not trust him to find the best way himself. I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m sure that once he had found his way, he would find the one that is best for him, for whatever reason. I still think I have the same view as before that it is largely in how you say something, not what you say. I think that the constant nagging would be demeaning and not proper, but in some cases, I think helpful suggestions could be more deemed as, well, helpful than nagging. But I think the amount of time that the “helpful hints” are given, once a day versus once a month, is also important to take into consideration. At least, that’s what I think…

I think that a lot of this book is for assertive women looking to relinquish their control and improve their marriage/relationship. It talks about how there the women should have a “no control” date. That is my ideal, so I am not struggling against it. However, I think the book is interesting so far. I am looking forward to reading the rest. I will be giving my opinion little by little each day until I am finished.

<3

Soul

Perfect for me.

Hi Everyone.

I'm currently listening to We Made You by Eminem.

Alright, soooo sorry about the lapse in blogging again. I've just been doing so much online these days. Oh, and I am finally graduated from high school!!!

Alright, but I just got a package... Sky sent me a shirt of his in the mail. I was so excited to get it. I still am not down from the excitement of opening the package. He is truly the perfect guy (for me). I have told him that he is perfect in the past, but he always reminds me that he is human. To which I say that I am human too and we all have our flaws and such. But the thing is, he is perfect for me.

So I opened my package and right on top of the shirt was a sticky note. :) It made me smile. My heart fills every time I hear/read that he loves me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I really am the luckiest girl. Because I truly think I found the person who I can grow old with. He is the greatest guy I have ever met.

I am crossing my fingers and waiting for this magical dream job to open up for him here. I want him to get a job tomorrow! I am a good girl though, waiting, and loving.

<3

Soul

Whoa, look who's back!!!

Hey Everyone!!!

I'm currently listening to Undeniable by Mat Kearney.

Hmmm... so... I have to admit, my blogging efforts have been majorly slacking. I know, I know, my bad. It was because I don't even know how to talk about what is going on in my life.

Well, let me throw one more nickname at you... Sky.

Sky is... a man...

A terrific...

amazing...
spectacular...

man.

*sighs lightly* I just didn't know how to write about him. I don't know how to write about my feelings. Because I am worried if I start, I won't stop.

I don't know how I can talk about him without giving the back story. And because you need the back story, you need to know another little something... I belong to another site. I know, I know, don't tell blogspot, they will be jealous. :P

Well, on this other site, Sky messaged me saying that he liked what I said and yadda yadda yadda, telling me about himself and hoping that I would message him back. I will be honest, I was a bit "ok, whatever" about it. I mean, he was not an active member on the site, and that always made me wary. But I responded back. We went back and forth for a while, then moved it to IMing. We got to know each other, and found out that we have something in common. We have a certain interest in bedroom activities. Well, we talked and talked, and we both felt that there was something there. So, we arranged to meet. I know, I know, you are not supposed to meet with men you meet online, especially if you are a 18 year old girl. But I threw all caution to the wind. I will be honest, my feelings for him were my main security.

Well, that meeting was last weekend. And...

WOW

talk about amazing. I won't go into the details of the (amazing, perfect, mind blowing) sex. But I will say, I have never been more "at home" with someone. With everything we did, it felt right. I felt like I fit right with him. Everything was so nice. He was the nicest person. We were... amazing. Sorry about my lack of extended vocabulary, my mind is in a haze...

We are planning another trip in July.

Serious feelings.

Twin has been on my butt about blogging, so here it is. I will try to blog constantly now. I will chronicle the everyday going-ons between Sky and Soul. <3

=)

Soul

Get your booty into gear!

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Poker Face by Lady GaGa.

Alrighty, once again, it's been awhile. That's what my title is about, getting my butt into gear and keeping this up. School has been school though, not too much interesting going on there. Busy but boring.

What is really interesting is this new guy... Hmmm what to name him... SILVER!!! Okay, so Silver and I met a couple years ago. We lost touch for a while, but we are back in contact. Talking to him, it feels like I've known him my whole life. I'm glad we started talking again. He's a really chill guy who is just plainly amazing. We have so much in common and really click. He's a good friend to have reconnected with.

I think that's it. Oh, Twin and I are having a blast together. We have been hanging out a lot recently. She is AMAZING!!!! Woo!!!

<3

Soul

Je regrette

Hi Everyone!

I’m currently watching The Dark Knight.

Okay, it’s been a while. Wow, a long while since I’ve actually talked. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About life, about love, about friends. This thinking hasn’t been done alone either, I’ve talked about it with other people too. I talked about it with Cabbage, who I love. He is such a great guy. I miss him a lot. He makes me laugh all the time, but we can still hold actual conversations too. I’ve talked a bit about it with Mediterranean too. I would have talked about it with Twin, but she has been in a different state and those kinds of conversations are best left to be had in person.

So, you may ask yourself what I have come up with. What exactly are my thoughts of love and life? Well, who knows all the details, not me. I don’t pretend to. However, I think I have hammered down some of the more major points though. I think that dating is almost silly unless you think that the other person could be your life partner. I mean, that’s all dating really is, trial runs until you figure out if the person is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. All other “dates” are silly. Now, I’m an advocate of silly, but don’t label it as dating if it won’t develop into something serious. Label it as what it is, friends with benefits. Now now now, don’t go jumping down my throat, I know you can’t tell as soon as you start dating someone whether or not they are that special person, but once you do know, what do you do then?

That’s what I’ve been thinking about the past couple of days.

=/

Soul