At least, that's what I think

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to If Today was your Last Day by Nickelback.

Alright everyone, I figure I might as well talk about this marvelous book I'm reading. It's called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I am going to go through it while blogging and tell you what I think. I know that my opinions are not those of others, and I am fine with that. But they are my opinions, so if you don't agree, well, we can agree to disagree.

So, I am only on page 21 so far, but I think it is intriguing so far. One of the most important things that I think the author stresses is that this is a conscious CHOICE. No woman (IMHO) should live this way against her will, she would never be happy. But that being said, I think that the women who do choose this lifestyle, they can find more happiness than they thought possible.

There is the idea presented in the book that you cannot have intimacy without vulnerability. I like that idea. I know that I have been vulnerable with Sky recently. I can count on one hand the times that I have cried in front of previous exes. And only one of those times was because I was hurt emotionally. ONLY ONCE. No wonder I never felt connected to them. I have cried a bit with Sky, not because he has hurt me, but because our situation brings up a lot of emotions. Things that I would usually be able to deal with right in the moment with someone I can’t because of the distance. So we have talked through the problems and honestly, I can say that I feel closer to him than anyone before him. Being with him feels right. Also, I think that opening myself up like that, crying and showing him a part of me that I am scared to usually show someone I am with, has made me more vulnerable and in turn, have a deeper intimacy. At least, that is what I think…

There is a line in the book that says that the wife is not responsible for all the problems. “Your husband has plenty of areas he could improve too, but that’s nothing [the wife] can control” (25). However, “That’s nothing [the wife] can control” and “[the wife] can only control [herself]”. I completely agree with this. Taking all of the responsibility for things that go wrong in a relationship is insane. There are certain things that will go wrong, some the wife’s fault, some the husband’s fault, but the only thing that we can do is control ourselves. Recognizing this and accepting it, is key to letting the problems go away easier. At least, that is what I think…

I think one of the most important passages in the book (that I have read so far) is when not to surrender. There is a difference from a powerful, in control husband to an abusive husband. In an abusive relationship, GET OUT. It is very important to read over this list and know when not to surrender. This is not an “At least, that is what I think…”, this is what I KNOW.

Alright, but, there are things in the book that I don’t agree with, on page 35 it outlines a scenario about a scene in a car where a husband misses a turn. The book says, “he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing”. To me, that seems crazy. If we are going someplace, why would I not say, “Hunny, you missed the turn”? I am not going to be rude about it, I definitely would not say, “You missed the exit! Do you not know how to read a road sign???”. There are proper and improper ways to say things, and to me, ending up in Timbuktu is not a thing I want (and nor does the person I am with). At least, that’s what I think…

It is interesting because Doyle relates everything to trust. If a wife tells her husband that he is taking an inefficient way to work it is because she does not trust him to find the best way himself. I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m sure that once he had found his way, he would find the one that is best for him, for whatever reason. I still think I have the same view as before that it is largely in how you say something, not what you say. I think that the constant nagging would be demeaning and not proper, but in some cases, I think helpful suggestions could be more deemed as, well, helpful than nagging. But I think the amount of time that the “helpful hints” are given, once a day versus once a month, is also important to take into consideration. At least, that’s what I think…

I think that a lot of this book is for assertive women looking to relinquish their control and improve their marriage/relationship. It talks about how there the women should have a “no control” date. That is my ideal, so I am not struggling against it. However, I think the book is interesting so far. I am looking forward to reading the rest. I will be giving my opinion little by little each day until I am finished.

<3

Soul