Hey Everyone.
I'm currently listening to Undeniable by Mat Kearney.
Alright, so you all know my passion for writing. After all, my motto for this page is "Go ahead, cut me, see that? That's ink, not blood. I'm programmed to write, it's my blood.". Which I think I wrote in a fit of brilliance. I love that line. Anywoo...
So, you remember my writing way back in the beginning of the blog, when I was writing America's next bestselling novel. Well, that never panned out. Oh well, tis life. I realize now, that as much as I love writing, and as much as I have these great ideas, I cannot write a novel. Well, at least not at this point in my life. I have however realized that I can write short stories. I have written a few adult themed stories. [erotica] I have gotten really good feedback on them and I think I have improved tremendously in even the past couple of months.
Well, onto the real topic of this blog (that was all back stuff). I am writing a short story right now, and it is based heavily on Sky and me. The characters are based off of us, but the story is completely fictional. I have to admit, I am loving writing it. I think I have enjoyed the backstory writing as much as I have the dirtier writing. I think it is because the backstory writing allows me to daydream about the future with Sky. Which is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do. It is hard not to be around him everyday, so I find myself thinking about times when I will be.
Well, I just wanted to say, I am writing this bit of adult themed writing [erotica] right now. I am loving it. And that's pretty much all.
Have a good day.
<3
Soul
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
random odds and ends
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to an episode of CSI: NY.
I am enjoying Summer. I'm having a nice time. It is my first summer without Grandâme and Hattie. Usually I go to their house for the Summer. I get super tan and have loads of fun. Of course I also shop like there is no tomorrow. That is where I get most of my clothes actually. I think it gets my mom a little upset because most of my clothes are paid for by them. My mom is not my favorite shopping partner though most times. It is because Grandâme spoils me, that is the grandparent's job. :D
Anyway... not much else on my mind I guess. I am SUPER tired. I didn't sleep wonderfully last night. (That's putting it mildly) I really don't even want to go to work today. I want to go to sleep and sleep for HOURS.
OH! I went shopping today for when Sky and I are together in a couple weeks. Snack-y kind of foods. It made me soooo happy to know that what I was buying was going to be for him. He makes me happy. Like I have pointed out in other posts, it is the little things that he does. *sighs happily* I just love him.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to an episode of CSI: NY.
I am enjoying Summer. I'm having a nice time. It is my first summer without Grandâme and Hattie. Usually I go to their house for the Summer. I get super tan and have loads of fun. Of course I also shop like there is no tomorrow. That is where I get most of my clothes actually. I think it gets my mom a little upset because most of my clothes are paid for by them. My mom is not my favorite shopping partner though most times. It is because Grandâme spoils me, that is the grandparent's job. :D
Anyway... not much else on my mind I guess. I am SUPER tired. I didn't sleep wonderfully last night. (That's putting it mildly) I really don't even want to go to work today. I want to go to sleep and sleep for HOURS.
OH! I went shopping today for when Sky and I are together in a couple weeks. Snack-y kind of foods. It made me soooo happy to know that what I was buying was going to be for him. He makes me happy. Like I have pointed out in other posts, it is the little things that he does. *sighs happily* I just love him.
<3
Soul
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Babysitting and Calming my Fears
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to Our Song by Taylor Swift.
I babysat last night. I've been babysitting for this family for years. I love them all and am always very very happy to go over there. The little girl is the most adorable thing. Last night was the first time I actually put her to sleep. Usually I go over there during the days or later at night when she is already sleeping. Well, last night I fed her, we played, then I got her ready for bed. After finishing her bathroom rituals, where apparently I squeezed the toothpaste out wrong :P and reading six books for goodnight stories, I finally got her tucked in. Then she looks up at me and says, "I can just stay up with you? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase? I just want to play with you". My heart melted. She is the cutest thing. I of course convinced her to go to sleep, but that was the cutest little thing.
Well, then I was there for a few hours after she fell asleep which I got to read and do some crosswords, but I also got to think. I know, dangerous activity right there. I got to thinking about Sky. You know what I adore about him? I remembered this one time we were riding public transit to get to a concert, and the whole thing was shaking and unstable. I wasn't freaking out verbally, but my eyes were shut tight and I was gripping onto one of the steel bars for life. He stood there and held onto me, making sure I was safe. I love that. How in one little gesture, I can feel so safe. He took the fear away. I was still a bit on edge, but I was no longer scared.
=)
Soul
I'm currently listening to Our Song by Taylor Swift.
I babysat last night. I've been babysitting for this family for years. I love them all and am always very very happy to go over there. The little girl is the most adorable thing. Last night was the first time I actually put her to sleep. Usually I go over there during the days or later at night when she is already sleeping. Well, last night I fed her, we played, then I got her ready for bed. After finishing her bathroom rituals, where apparently I squeezed the toothpaste out wrong :P and reading six books for goodnight stories, I finally got her tucked in. Then she looks up at me and says, "I can just stay up with you? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase? I just want to play with you". My heart melted. She is the cutest thing. I of course convinced her to go to sleep, but that was the cutest little thing.
Well, then I was there for a few hours after she fell asleep which I got to read and do some crosswords, but I also got to think. I know, dangerous activity right there. I got to thinking about Sky. You know what I adore about him? I remembered this one time we were riding public transit to get to a concert, and the whole thing was shaking and unstable. I wasn't freaking out verbally, but my eyes were shut tight and I was gripping onto one of the steel bars for life. He stood there and held onto me, making sure I was safe. I love that. How in one little gesture, I can feel so safe. He took the fear away. I was still a bit on edge, but I was no longer scared.
=)
Soul
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Messages
Hey Everyone.
I'm currently waiting for Family Guy to come on.
Alright, I just messaged Sky. I'm a bit nervous about his response. I hate overthinking things. Eh, who knows, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm not.
Alright, that's all, I'm shutting off my computer.
=\
Soul
I'm currently waiting for Family Guy to come on.
Alright, I just messaged Sky. I'm a bit nervous about his response. I hate overthinking things. Eh, who knows, maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm not.
Alright, that's all, I'm shutting off my computer.
=\
Soul
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Managing
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to No Surprises by Chris Daughtry.
Alright, so it has been brought to my attention that I plan things. More than that, I microplan things. I know that I do this. I am a very ahead of time person. I love living in the moment, don't get me wrong, but I also like the comfort of knowing that things are planned out and there is no chaotic rush to figure out how things are going to work. I know that everyone is different. I can live with not knowing what is going on this weekend. I really can. I swear.
It is one area where Sky and I don't match up. I knew this even when I met him. He is a very, I don't even know the right word for it... But he is it. :P He has pointed out a couple of times to me that I plan, I know it is annoying, and I knew that before we met too. It is something that I have been trying to work on. But I sometimes think that my desire to plan gets on his nerves.
Do you want to know something I adore about Sky though? He sends me these little texts. Today he sent me one, "Keep smiling, beautiful...". I know, it seems so simple, so little, but those are the things that really show that he cares. He took time out of his night, to send me something sweet. Trust me, I kept on smiling. It's the fact that he doesn't do it all the time, it is random nights/times. So yeah, that is something I adore about Sky...
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to No Surprises by Chris Daughtry.
Alright, so it has been brought to my attention that I plan things. More than that, I microplan things. I know that I do this. I am a very ahead of time person. I love living in the moment, don't get me wrong, but I also like the comfort of knowing that things are planned out and there is no chaotic rush to figure out how things are going to work. I know that everyone is different. I can live with not knowing what is going on this weekend. I really can. I swear.
It is one area where Sky and I don't match up. I knew this even when I met him. He is a very, I don't even know the right word for it... But he is it. :P He has pointed out a couple of times to me that I plan, I know it is annoying, and I knew that before we met too. It is something that I have been trying to work on. But I sometimes think that my desire to plan gets on his nerves.
Do you want to know something I adore about Sky though? He sends me these little texts. Today he sent me one, "Keep smiling, beautiful...". I know, it seems so simple, so little, but those are the things that really show that he cares. He took time out of his night, to send me something sweet. Trust me, I kept on smiling. It's the fact that he doesn't do it all the time, it is random nights/times. So yeah, that is something I adore about Sky...
<3
Soul
Shrimp Cats!
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to Because of You by Nickelback.
If I was making dinner tonight for another person and I, I think I would make some grilled shrimp and rice. Just saying... That's what I think I would want to make tonight. What to know something interesting? I only enjoy cooked shrimp. Hot off the grill/out of the fryer. I cannot stand cold shrimp. There is something about it that sets me off. I can eat a few, but I don't like it. I really don't. Interesting? Maybe not. But true.
My cat is reaaaaaaaally adorable. I am sitting at my kitchen table right now and there are four chairs. Since it is only my mom and I, we only use two (duh). My cat has taken a chair for himself. He only sits there when the sun is on the chair, but it is the cutest thing. But anyway, he is sitting on the chair laying down, and I am sitting on another chair. I don't really process that he is sitting next to me since he is just sleeping. Then he goes and rests his little paw on my leg. He's just really cute.
Cats live a long time. It's a fact, they do. My cat is young. He will be four years old next month. He's still got a good decade plus in him. Which makes me happy, because I love him. I know that in that time though I will be moving out of my mom's house. I have always wanted to take my cat with me. He is mine after all. However, thinking about things recently, I think maybe I won't take him with... Which makes me sad. I love my cat... I love cats in general. I love dogs too, but cats are smarter. Let's just be honest.
Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is happening. I know it is silly. I know that if something bad was happening I would know, but it sometimes grips me and I can't shake it.
:(
Soul
I'm currently listening to Because of You by Nickelback.
If I was making dinner tonight for another person and I, I think I would make some grilled shrimp and rice. Just saying... That's what I think I would want to make tonight. What to know something interesting? I only enjoy cooked shrimp. Hot off the grill/out of the fryer. I cannot stand cold shrimp. There is something about it that sets me off. I can eat a few, but I don't like it. I really don't. Interesting? Maybe not. But true.
My cat is reaaaaaaaally adorable. I am sitting at my kitchen table right now and there are four chairs. Since it is only my mom and I, we only use two (duh). My cat has taken a chair for himself. He only sits there when the sun is on the chair, but it is the cutest thing. But anyway, he is sitting on the chair laying down, and I am sitting on another chair. I don't really process that he is sitting next to me since he is just sleeping. Then he goes and rests his little paw on my leg. He's just really cute.
Cats live a long time. It's a fact, they do. My cat is young. He will be four years old next month. He's still got a good decade plus in him. Which makes me happy, because I love him. I know that in that time though I will be moving out of my mom's house. I have always wanted to take my cat with me. He is mine after all. However, thinking about things recently, I think maybe I won't take him with... Which makes me sad. I love my cat... I love cats in general. I love dogs too, but cats are smarter. Let's just be honest.
Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is happening. I know it is silly. I know that if something bad was happening I would know, but it sometimes grips me and I can't shake it.
:(
Soul
Monday, June 22, 2009
Arctic Kitchen
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to Size Matters by Joe Nichols.
I'm cold. I find that very funny. It is the kind of hot that makes you sweat, but you don't have the chance to sweat because the sweat evaporates before it has the chance to be sweat. Whew, that took me a while to make enough sense of it to type it out. But I am inside, and that heat is outside. Inside I have the air conditioning, and of course our air conditioning is set to Arctic temperatures.
Alright, well, a few moments ago I had no clue what I was going to write about, but now I do. Funny how that happens.
Arctic. That's the name of one of my cousin's stuffed polar bears. He has Arctic and Polar. Creative, I know. He is adorable with them. He sleeps with them every night. I had something like that, she was a doll. She wore this cute green dress. I loved her. I slept with her every night, without fail. I don't remember when I stopped needing her. I don't remember when it was ok for me to go to sleep without her wrapped tightly in my arms. When I really take the time to think about it now, it makes me sad in a way. I know I still have the doll, but I have no clue where she is. How sad is that? Something that for YEARS was soooo important to me is probably stuffed into a dark corner and is forgotten. I think tomorrow I will look for her and set her out on a shelf somewhere.
Alright, so I am thinking of adding a segment to my blog... THINKING about it. You guys are all used to the standard "Hey everyone" greeting, along with what is currently blasting in my ear. Throwing something else at you... Could you handle it??? :P I am going to integrate it slowly I think. In a very non-obvious way.
Oh, so, I just got off the phone with Sky. The people who read my blog know about him. I want him so badly. I miss him a lot. I know that some people don't understand us. But I know what makes me happy, and he makes me happy. The littlest things that he does just make me smile. We talked tonight and it was such a nice conversation. I love talking to him. Some day soon we will be able to talk face to face and not have the phone pressed to our ears. I cannot wait for that day. Do you want to know something I adore about Sky? He likes to have his dishes clean before they are put in the dishwasher. We were talking about things that we don't like doing or things that are done in the house. He started talking about the kitchen. I know it sounds completely dorky/weird, but I love cleaning the kitchen. I think it's because I like cooking so much. I need a clean kitchen. Well then we got on the topic of dishes. We have the same views. I know it sounds completely weird, but imagine if someone you were with didn't have the same view of how a clean kitchen should be kept! I don't know... maybe it is something that I am weird about.
Well, I am heading off to bed...
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to Size Matters by Joe Nichols.
I'm cold. I find that very funny. It is the kind of hot that makes you sweat, but you don't have the chance to sweat because the sweat evaporates before it has the chance to be sweat. Whew, that took me a while to make enough sense of it to type it out. But I am inside, and that heat is outside. Inside I have the air conditioning, and of course our air conditioning is set to Arctic temperatures.
Alright, well, a few moments ago I had no clue what I was going to write about, but now I do. Funny how that happens.
Arctic. That's the name of one of my cousin's stuffed polar bears. He has Arctic and Polar. Creative, I know. He is adorable with them. He sleeps with them every night. I had something like that, she was a doll. She wore this cute green dress. I loved her. I slept with her every night, without fail. I don't remember when I stopped needing her. I don't remember when it was ok for me to go to sleep without her wrapped tightly in my arms. When I really take the time to think about it now, it makes me sad in a way. I know I still have the doll, but I have no clue where she is. How sad is that? Something that for YEARS was soooo important to me is probably stuffed into a dark corner and is forgotten. I think tomorrow I will look for her and set her out on a shelf somewhere.
Alright, so I am thinking of adding a segment to my blog... THINKING about it. You guys are all used to the standard "Hey everyone" greeting, along with what is currently blasting in my ear. Throwing something else at you... Could you handle it??? :P I am going to integrate it slowly I think. In a very non-obvious way.
Oh, so, I just got off the phone with Sky. The people who read my blog know about him. I want him so badly. I miss him a lot. I know that some people don't understand us. But I know what makes me happy, and he makes me happy. The littlest things that he does just make me smile. We talked tonight and it was such a nice conversation. I love talking to him. Some day soon we will be able to talk face to face and not have the phone pressed to our ears. I cannot wait for that day. Do you want to know something I adore about Sky? He likes to have his dishes clean before they are put in the dishwasher. We were talking about things that we don't like doing or things that are done in the house. He started talking about the kitchen. I know it sounds completely dorky/weird, but I love cleaning the kitchen. I think it's because I like cooking so much. I need a clean kitchen. Well then we got on the topic of dishes. We have the same views. I know it sounds completely weird, but imagine if someone you were with didn't have the same view of how a clean kitchen should be kept! I don't know... maybe it is something that I am weird about.
Well, I am heading off to bed...
<3
Soul
Hey Everyone.
I'm currently listening to Heartless by Kanye West.
*sighs* So yesterday was Father's day. Always a weird day for me. I've blogged about my father once or twice, but I really hate to do it. He never was a part of my life. Well, that is not entirely true, he went in and out of my life when I was younger. I was always the adult in that relationship. I'm lucky that I was mature in my younger years, well, still am, but I grew up quickly. I don't know what this blog is really about. I read the Father's Day post by MetroDad and of course my mind then went to my father.
I sometimes still think about why he couldn't get his act together and be in my life. He loved my mother, and was broken hearted until the day he died. I know their relationship has affected me in my life and what I want from my relationship. I know what I want, and I am not really too willing to compromise. I understand that relationships take a certain amount of compromise, I'm not saying I'm not willing to compromise within a relationship, but I know what I want out of life. I know what my plans are. I know what I want in the next decade. I don't know... maybe I'm not making sense.
*sighs* Alright, that's it for now. I need to do a happier post later...
:/
Soul
I'm currently listening to Heartless by Kanye West.
*sighs* So yesterday was Father's day. Always a weird day for me. I've blogged about my father once or twice, but I really hate to do it. He never was a part of my life. Well, that is not entirely true, he went in and out of my life when I was younger. I was always the adult in that relationship. I'm lucky that I was mature in my younger years, well, still am, but I grew up quickly. I don't know what this blog is really about. I read the Father's Day post by MetroDad and of course my mind then went to my father.
I sometimes still think about why he couldn't get his act together and be in my life. He loved my mother, and was broken hearted until the day he died. I know their relationship has affected me in my life and what I want from my relationship. I know what I want, and I am not really too willing to compromise. I understand that relationships take a certain amount of compromise, I'm not saying I'm not willing to compromise within a relationship, but I know what I want out of life. I know what my plans are. I know what I want in the next decade. I don't know... maybe I'm not making sense.
*sighs* Alright, that's it for now. I need to do a happier post later...
:/
Soul
Friday, June 19, 2009
Friends.
Hi Everyone.
I'm currently listening to Heartbeat (it's a love beat) by The DeFranco Family.
Mmkay everyone. Let me lay something on you.
Friends.
They are great!!! I think that I have a core group of friends that I will carry through life. The funny thing is, I have mentioned Platinum only once or twice before, but she is my closest girlfriend. She has always supported me. She listens and cares. She never judges. She is what all friends should be like. I know, this is coming from a late night ramble, but it's true. I love her to the ends of the universe. I know I can say something, and even if she doesn't understand or doesn't agree, she will either ask questions until she understands, or just be happy that I am happy. *sighs* I know, I know, you are all super confused at what I am talking about. Like I said in a previous post, I debate with myself whether or not to bring a certain aspect to my blog... For now, I guess I won't... Even though part of me wants to. I think it would take multiple posts to explain though. Maybe I am just looking too deep into it. Maybe I could jump in with two feet and never look back... We'll save that for another late night ramble post.
But ANYWAY, my BEST guy friend, I have actually never mentioned on here before. He is another person who never judges me, and knows every gritty detail about my life. I love him like no one's business. We've had a crazy interesting relationship. Seriously, asking about how we met always gets a laugh out of people. ANYWAY... I need to get him a nickname, and I know he will kill me if he ever finds out about it but OH WELL!!! His nickname is going to be Bunny. LOL.
So now you know about two more of my friends. They are the true blue friends that I have. I know that fifty years from now Platinum will be knocking on my door asking how the sex last night went, and then Bunny will be parking his Ferrari on the wrong side of the street running up my door to make sure he doesn't miss one detail. We fit together. We may be dysfunctional, but we are a nutty family deal. Nothing misses one person. I guess my openness about my life either drives people away, or brings people closer. I am beyond glad that I have the friends I have, because they know the real me, and I don't need to hide anything. I love them.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to Heartbeat (it's a love beat) by The DeFranco Family.
Mmkay everyone. Let me lay something on you.
Friends.
They are great!!! I think that I have a core group of friends that I will carry through life. The funny thing is, I have mentioned Platinum only once or twice before, but she is my closest girlfriend. She has always supported me. She listens and cares. She never judges. She is what all friends should be like. I know, this is coming from a late night ramble, but it's true. I love her to the ends of the universe. I know I can say something, and even if she doesn't understand or doesn't agree, she will either ask questions until she understands, or just be happy that I am happy. *sighs* I know, I know, you are all super confused at what I am talking about. Like I said in a previous post, I debate with myself whether or not to bring a certain aspect to my blog... For now, I guess I won't... Even though part of me wants to. I think it would take multiple posts to explain though. Maybe I am just looking too deep into it. Maybe I could jump in with two feet and never look back... We'll save that for another late night ramble post.
But ANYWAY, my BEST guy friend, I have actually never mentioned on here before. He is another person who never judges me, and knows every gritty detail about my life. I love him like no one's business. We've had a crazy interesting relationship. Seriously, asking about how we met always gets a laugh out of people. ANYWAY... I need to get him a nickname, and I know he will kill me if he ever finds out about it but OH WELL!!! His nickname is going to be Bunny. LOL.
So now you know about two more of my friends. They are the true blue friends that I have. I know that fifty years from now Platinum will be knocking on my door asking how the sex last night went, and then Bunny will be parking his Ferrari on the wrong side of the street running up my door to make sure he doesn't miss one detail. We fit together. We may be dysfunctional, but we are a nutty family deal. Nothing misses one person. I guess my openness about my life either drives people away, or brings people closer. I am beyond glad that I have the friends I have, because they know the real me, and I don't need to hide anything. I love them.
<3
Soul
Hey! Look at me! LOOK!!! LOOKATME!!!!
Hi Everyone!
I'm currently listening to True Affection by The Blow.
Hey! Look at me! I'm blogging on a consistent basis. I rock.
Alright, I am shouting from the mountain tops about my love for...
WATER!!! I bet you thought I was going to say Sky didn't you? I love Sky too. But, back on topic! I love water. I drink lots and lots of water. I have this 32 oz reusable water bottle and it is FAN-tastic. It really is so useful. I can bring it to work, I put it on my nightstand for during the night, etc. I use the thing ALL the time.
New topic? Headaches. I hate headaches. I got a MASSIVE headache yesterday and I took two advil, hasn't really helped. I need to take two more. Especially before I go to work. Ooo, work! Twin is coming back to work today!!!! I am BEYOND happy about it. Work has been sooooo boring without her. I can only rely on Sky so much to text. He has a job and things to do, he can't be texting me just because I have nothing to do at work.
My head hurts, sorry for the jumpiness of this post.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to True Affection by The Blow.
Hey! Look at me! I'm blogging on a consistent basis. I rock.
Alright, I am shouting from the mountain tops about my love for...
WATER!!! I bet you thought I was going to say Sky didn't you? I love Sky too. But, back on topic! I love water. I drink lots and lots of water. I have this 32 oz reusable water bottle and it is FAN-tastic. It really is so useful. I can bring it to work, I put it on my nightstand for during the night, etc. I use the thing ALL the time.
New topic? Headaches. I hate headaches. I got a MASSIVE headache yesterday and I took two advil, hasn't really helped. I need to take two more. Especially before I go to work. Ooo, work! Twin is coming back to work today!!!! I am BEYOND happy about it. Work has been sooooo boring without her. I can only rely on Sky so much to text. He has a job and things to do, he can't be texting me just because I have nothing to do at work.
My head hurts, sorry for the jumpiness of this post.
<3
Soul
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Do these tears belong to someone?
Hi Everyone!
I'm currently listening to I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.
Alright, now forgive me in advance please, because this is one of those rambling posts that I need to write because I need to get the thoughts out some place.
Sky and I joined a social networking site together. It fits US and what we like. Well anyway, the people on there just have a way of describing what I feel perfectly sometimes. I miss Sky sooo much at certain times. It's really unexplainable. I look forward to him coming to see me like nobody's business. It is this fire in the middle of my chest that doesn't go away. Ahhh!!! That sounds so weird... I sometimes think that I must be going insane to feel this great all the time. He makes me smile, and giggle. He makes me feel good. I feel better when we're together. I love talking to him. I just want to be around him.
But, I miss him. I don't cry. I really don't. Not to real life stuff. Pop in a movie, I'll ball my eyes out. But real life? Nope. Not my thing. However, with Sky... GEESH!!! I find that I am crying once a week! Most of the times he doesn't know about... He's known about a couple in the past. He is really great about it. Once he gets here, I know that the crying will go away. Because I cry when I miss him. Granted, I miss him everyday, but there are certain days, where I feel like it's pressing down on me. Those are the days I want him the most. Gosh, I am soooo rambling... And now I feel like an idiot for telling you all about my crying spells.
Well, now I am going to go hide in a corner, toodles!
:]
Soul
I'm currently listening to I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.
Alright, now forgive me in advance please, because this is one of those rambling posts that I need to write because I need to get the thoughts out some place.
Sky and I joined a social networking site together. It fits US and what we like. Well anyway, the people on there just have a way of describing what I feel perfectly sometimes. I miss Sky sooo much at certain times. It's really unexplainable. I look forward to him coming to see me like nobody's business. It is this fire in the middle of my chest that doesn't go away. Ahhh!!! That sounds so weird... I sometimes think that I must be going insane to feel this great all the time. He makes me smile, and giggle. He makes me feel good. I feel better when we're together. I love talking to him. I just want to be around him.
But, I miss him. I don't cry. I really don't. Not to real life stuff. Pop in a movie, I'll ball my eyes out. But real life? Nope. Not my thing. However, with Sky... GEESH!!! I find that I am crying once a week! Most of the times he doesn't know about... He's known about a couple in the past. He is really great about it. Once he gets here, I know that the crying will go away. Because I cry when I miss him. Granted, I miss him everyday, but there are certain days, where I feel like it's pressing down on me. Those are the days I want him the most. Gosh, I am soooo rambling... And now I feel like an idiot for telling you all about my crying spells.
Well, now I am going to go hide in a corner, toodles!
:]
Soul
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Agony at work
Hi Everyone!
I'm currently listening to Halo by Beyonce.
So, work has been AGONY lately. I've been working alone because Twin is on vacation right now. I hate it. Sky keeps me company somewhat by texting, but still, it's not the same as having Twin there to keep me company and such. Although today I pretty much thought my way through it. I actually surprised that the time passed so quickly. I was thinking about random little things. Majority of the thoughts were about Sky. Big surprise right? But it did pass quickly and I was even going to work longer but then another coworker showed up and it's always a little awkward working alongside her, because I feel like I am stealing work. And my time was up, so I left.
I am very excited about tonight though. Sky had his phone stolen a week ago (exactly a week ago now that I think about it). He only had a cell, so that is our means of phone communication. It has been hard on me not being able to talk to him at night. But he is getting his phone, so therefore tonight he is going to be able to call!!! :D
I've been writing some adult material lately. I've gotten some really great responses to it. I've written here in the past about my desire to be a published author. Well, short adult fiction seems to be the only thing that I can finish writing. So this Summer I am going to try to write enough pieces to put them together in a collection and see if I can get that published. :) We'll see how it goes!
=)
Soul
I'm currently listening to Halo by Beyonce.
So, work has been AGONY lately. I've been working alone because Twin is on vacation right now. I hate it. Sky keeps me company somewhat by texting, but still, it's not the same as having Twin there to keep me company and such. Although today I pretty much thought my way through it. I actually surprised that the time passed so quickly. I was thinking about random little things. Majority of the thoughts were about Sky. Big surprise right? But it did pass quickly and I was even going to work longer but then another coworker showed up and it's always a little awkward working alongside her, because I feel like I am stealing work. And my time was up, so I left.
I am very excited about tonight though. Sky had his phone stolen a week ago (exactly a week ago now that I think about it). He only had a cell, so that is our means of phone communication. It has been hard on me not being able to talk to him at night. But he is getting his phone, so therefore tonight he is going to be able to call!!! :D
I've been writing some adult material lately. I've gotten some really great responses to it. I've written here in the past about my desire to be a published author. Well, short adult fiction seems to be the only thing that I can finish writing. So this Summer I am going to try to write enough pieces to put them together in a collection and see if I can get that published. :) We'll see how it goes!
=)
Soul
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Recipes
Hey Everyone!
I'm currently listening to birds chirping outside my window.
Ok, so this is going to talk about two things, my new adoration for recipes and Sky.
Recipes-
Recipes are freaking GREAT!!! I love them. I have started this thing with myself where I ask myself, "what would I make for dinner tonight". I love cooking. It is definitely something that relaxes me and I truly love seeing other people enjoy my food. So I've been looking at recipes and I am going to start a recipe project. I'm going to get a bunch of recipe books and start filling them. :D Simple, but I'm really looking forward to it.
OK, now... Sky. I don't think I have the words to accurately describe how much he makes me happy. The relationship is so freeing. I have my role, and he has his, and it works. It is the most comfortable and happiest I've ever been with someone. Even though I've written that, it doesn't even begin to really say how I feel. I want him, I miss him, and I love him.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to birds chirping outside my window.
Ok, so this is going to talk about two things, my new adoration for recipes and Sky.
Recipes-
Recipes are freaking GREAT!!! I love them. I have started this thing with myself where I ask myself, "what would I make for dinner tonight". I love cooking. It is definitely something that relaxes me and I truly love seeing other people enjoy my food. So I've been looking at recipes and I am going to start a recipe project. I'm going to get a bunch of recipe books and start filling them. :D Simple, but I'm really looking forward to it.
OK, now... Sky. I don't think I have the words to accurately describe how much he makes me happy. The relationship is so freeing. I have my role, and he has his, and it works. It is the most comfortable and happiest I've ever been with someone. Even though I've written that, it doesn't even begin to really say how I feel. I want him, I miss him, and I love him.
<3
Soul
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Three Grrrrs and One to Smile
Hey Everyone!
I’m currently listening to Who’d Have Known by Lily Allen.
So, I went to an event today and ended up in an interesting conversation with a couple of ladies. They were asking me about my plans for the future. I told them about my plans to be an English teacher. The chit chat was pleasant and not too in depth. Then one of the ladies asked why I wanted to be an English teacher. I launched into my usual “thing” on how I have always loved reading and inspiring people to love the language and literature as much as I do, will be fantastic.
Then… it happened…
Another lady who was listening said something about having all the time off so I could travel or pursue other things of my liking. Without even thinking I made a comment about how it will be perfect because I will be able to concentrate more on my house and husband. The lady was aghast at the comment, as were two other ladies in the conversation.
I had to listen to three ladies attack my personal wants today. It is quite annoying to have people think that my wants are “archaic” and “stupid”. One of the ladies in the conversation was genuinely interested in how someone my age would have such a view, and after getting attacked I went to a corner and talked to her about it.
So even though I had to deal with the three ladies, the one was really nice and happy that I could make such a “mature and healthy” decision.
Two of the women who attacked me and my wants are not married and never have been. The other one just got divorced a year ago (or a little over). I am not surprised. She was rambling off on how no woman should be a “doting little June Cleaver”. Maybe if she had a little more June in her, she would still be married…
I’m not saying that what I want works for everyone, I don’t preach it off mountain tops. You have to figure out what works for you, but I know what will work for me.
Overall, annoyed at three ladies and happy with one.
= )
Soul
I’m currently listening to Who’d Have Known by Lily Allen.
So, I went to an event today and ended up in an interesting conversation with a couple of ladies. They were asking me about my plans for the future. I told them about my plans to be an English teacher. The chit chat was pleasant and not too in depth. Then one of the ladies asked why I wanted to be an English teacher. I launched into my usual “thing” on how I have always loved reading and inspiring people to love the language and literature as much as I do, will be fantastic.
Then… it happened…
Another lady who was listening said something about having all the time off so I could travel or pursue other things of my liking. Without even thinking I made a comment about how it will be perfect because I will be able to concentrate more on my house and husband. The lady was aghast at the comment, as were two other ladies in the conversation.
I had to listen to three ladies attack my personal wants today. It is quite annoying to have people think that my wants are “archaic” and “stupid”. One of the ladies in the conversation was genuinely interested in how someone my age would have such a view, and after getting attacked I went to a corner and talked to her about it.
So even though I had to deal with the three ladies, the one was really nice and happy that I could make such a “mature and healthy” decision.
Two of the women who attacked me and my wants are not married and never have been. The other one just got divorced a year ago (or a little over). I am not surprised. She was rambling off on how no woman should be a “doting little June Cleaver”. Maybe if she had a little more June in her, she would still be married…
I’m not saying that what I want works for everyone, I don’t preach it off mountain tops. You have to figure out what works for you, but I know what will work for me.
Overall, annoyed at three ladies and happy with one.
= )
Soul
Friday, June 12, 2009
Still Thinking Along!
Hey Everyone!
I’m currently watching Criminal Minds.
Alright everyone, here is part two of my book commentary on The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. :D
There is a section titled “Responding to His Crazy Ideas”. Doyle’s thoughts are that you should reply “Whatever you think” no matter what you hear your husband saying. I don’t know how I feel about this. I agree with it to some extent, but there are times when opinions will be asked, or your input will be needed. I may be submissive, but I have my own thoughts and I like them to be valued. I am not saying I am shooting down ideas, and I am definitely not suppressing my opinions or thoughts when I have them. There needs to be discussion in certain areas. However, once my opinion is given, the decision is left to him. That’s how I think it needs to be. At least, that’s what I think…
On page 59 the author talks about conversations that she had with her husband before she adapted the “surrendered wife” method. Before she even picks apart what she said wrong, and what she could have said better, I already picked things out. I think that is the major reason why I say that the novel is for women looking to relinquish control rather than women who feel that this is just right. To me, what Doyle instructs, seem like the proper way to do things. I think reading the book is more for the women trying to give up power to help their relationships. At least, that’s what I think…
Hmmm… So… I have been struggling with myself for a little bit to go a bit further into my life with all of you blog readers. I have been fairly “normal” on my blog so far. I could be your best friend, your sister, or the girl next door, but delving into my opinions the past couple days makes it a struggle to keep some aspects of my life out of here. I’m still debating… Twin tells me to keep certain things off of here, but I have read some friends’ blogs. I can think of one person in particular who had two blogs, one for bedroom activities and that type of things then another blog for all things else. He finally got sick of the segregation and combined the two and said “damns to hell”. I’ve been thinking of doing the same. But I don’t know yet… I think that by reading some of the things I have written, you can tell what my preferences in a relationship are, but maybe not… Hmmm…
Alright, I have skimmed through the rest of the book and just am not completely impressed. 99% of the subject matter that is gone over is for someone looking to change their habits, I already have these habits. So, I skimmed. :) I thought it was a decent book, but not for submissive women already, but women looking to improve intimacy and life within their relationships. Like I said previously, this is something you have to do willingly not something you should be forced into, you will never be happy if this is not your CHOICE. At least, that’s what I think…
: )
Soul
I’m currently watching Criminal Minds.
Alright everyone, here is part two of my book commentary on The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. :D
There is a section titled “Responding to His Crazy Ideas”. Doyle’s thoughts are that you should reply “Whatever you think” no matter what you hear your husband saying. I don’t know how I feel about this. I agree with it to some extent, but there are times when opinions will be asked, or your input will be needed. I may be submissive, but I have my own thoughts and I like them to be valued. I am not saying I am shooting down ideas, and I am definitely not suppressing my opinions or thoughts when I have them. There needs to be discussion in certain areas. However, once my opinion is given, the decision is left to him. That’s how I think it needs to be. At least, that’s what I think…
On page 59 the author talks about conversations that she had with her husband before she adapted the “surrendered wife” method. Before she even picks apart what she said wrong, and what she could have said better, I already picked things out. I think that is the major reason why I say that the novel is for women looking to relinquish control rather than women who feel that this is just right. To me, what Doyle instructs, seem like the proper way to do things. I think reading the book is more for the women trying to give up power to help their relationships. At least, that’s what I think…
Hmmm… So… I have been struggling with myself for a little bit to go a bit further into my life with all of you blog readers. I have been fairly “normal” on my blog so far. I could be your best friend, your sister, or the girl next door, but delving into my opinions the past couple days makes it a struggle to keep some aspects of my life out of here. I’m still debating… Twin tells me to keep certain things off of here, but I have read some friends’ blogs. I can think of one person in particular who had two blogs, one for bedroom activities and that type of things then another blog for all things else. He finally got sick of the segregation and combined the two and said “damns to hell”. I’ve been thinking of doing the same. But I don’t know yet… I think that by reading some of the things I have written, you can tell what my preferences in a relationship are, but maybe not… Hmmm…
Alright, I have skimmed through the rest of the book and just am not completely impressed. 99% of the subject matter that is gone over is for someone looking to change their habits, I already have these habits. So, I skimmed. :) I thought it was a decent book, but not for submissive women already, but women looking to improve intimacy and life within their relationships. Like I said previously, this is something you have to do willingly not something you should be forced into, you will never be happy if this is not your CHOICE. At least, that’s what I think…
: )
Soul
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
At least, that's what I think
Hi Everyone!
I'm currently listening to If Today was your Last Day by Nickelback.
Alright everyone, I figure I might as well talk about this marvelous book I'm reading. It's called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I am going to go through it while blogging and tell you what I think. I know that my opinions are not those of others, and I am fine with that. But they are my opinions, so if you don't agree, well, we can agree to disagree.
So, I am only on page 21 so far, but I think it is intriguing so far. One of the most important things that I think the author stresses is that this is a conscious CHOICE. No woman (IMHO) should live this way against her will, she would never be happy. But that being said, I think that the women who do choose this lifestyle, they can find more happiness than they thought possible.
There is the idea presented in the book that you cannot have intimacy without vulnerability. I like that idea. I know that I have been vulnerable with Sky recently. I can count on one hand the times that I have cried in front of previous exes. And only one of those times was because I was hurt emotionally. ONLY ONCE. No wonder I never felt connected to them. I have cried a bit with Sky, not because he has hurt me, but because our situation brings up a lot of emotions. Things that I would usually be able to deal with right in the moment with someone I can’t because of the distance. So we have talked through the problems and honestly, I can say that I feel closer to him than anyone before him. Being with him feels right. Also, I think that opening myself up like that, crying and showing him a part of me that I am scared to usually show someone I am with, has made me more vulnerable and in turn, have a deeper intimacy. At least, that is what I think…
There is a line in the book that says that the wife is not responsible for all the problems. “Your husband has plenty of areas he could improve too, but that’s nothing [the wife] can control” (25). However, “That’s nothing [the wife] can control” and “[the wife] can only control [herself]”. I completely agree with this. Taking all of the responsibility for things that go wrong in a relationship is insane. There are certain things that will go wrong, some the wife’s fault, some the husband’s fault, but the only thing that we can do is control ourselves. Recognizing this and accepting it, is key to letting the problems go away easier. At least, that is what I think…
I think one of the most important passages in the book (that I have read so far) is when not to surrender. There is a difference from a powerful, in control husband to an abusive husband. In an abusive relationship, GET OUT. It is very important to read over this list and know when not to surrender. This is not an “At least, that is what I think…”, this is what I KNOW.
Alright, but, there are things in the book that I don’t agree with, on page 35 it outlines a scenario about a scene in a car where a husband misses a turn. The book says, “he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing”. To me, that seems crazy. If we are going someplace, why would I not say, “Hunny, you missed the turn”? I am not going to be rude about it, I definitely would not say, “You missed the exit! Do you not know how to read a road sign???”. There are proper and improper ways to say things, and to me, ending up in Timbuktu is not a thing I want (and nor does the person I am with). At least, that’s what I think…
It is interesting because Doyle relates everything to trust. If a wife tells her husband that he is taking an inefficient way to work it is because she does not trust him to find the best way himself. I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m sure that once he had found his way, he would find the one that is best for him, for whatever reason. I still think I have the same view as before that it is largely in how you say something, not what you say. I think that the constant nagging would be demeaning and not proper, but in some cases, I think helpful suggestions could be more deemed as, well, helpful than nagging. But I think the amount of time that the “helpful hints” are given, once a day versus once a month, is also important to take into consideration. At least, that’s what I think…
I think that a lot of this book is for assertive women looking to relinquish their control and improve their marriage/relationship. It talks about how there the women should have a “no control” date. That is my ideal, so I am not struggling against it. However, I think the book is interesting so far. I am looking forward to reading the rest. I will be giving my opinion little by little each day until I am finished.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to If Today was your Last Day by Nickelback.
Alright everyone, I figure I might as well talk about this marvelous book I'm reading. It's called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I am going to go through it while blogging and tell you what I think. I know that my opinions are not those of others, and I am fine with that. But they are my opinions, so if you don't agree, well, we can agree to disagree.
So, I am only on page 21 so far, but I think it is intriguing so far. One of the most important things that I think the author stresses is that this is a conscious CHOICE. No woman (IMHO) should live this way against her will, she would never be happy. But that being said, I think that the women who do choose this lifestyle, they can find more happiness than they thought possible.
There is the idea presented in the book that you cannot have intimacy without vulnerability. I like that idea. I know that I have been vulnerable with Sky recently. I can count on one hand the times that I have cried in front of previous exes. And only one of those times was because I was hurt emotionally. ONLY ONCE. No wonder I never felt connected to them. I have cried a bit with Sky, not because he has hurt me, but because our situation brings up a lot of emotions. Things that I would usually be able to deal with right in the moment with someone I can’t because of the distance. So we have talked through the problems and honestly, I can say that I feel closer to him than anyone before him. Being with him feels right. Also, I think that opening myself up like that, crying and showing him a part of me that I am scared to usually show someone I am with, has made me more vulnerable and in turn, have a deeper intimacy. At least, that is what I think…
There is a line in the book that says that the wife is not responsible for all the problems. “Your husband has plenty of areas he could improve too, but that’s nothing [the wife] can control” (25). However, “That’s nothing [the wife] can control” and “[the wife] can only control [herself]”. I completely agree with this. Taking all of the responsibility for things that go wrong in a relationship is insane. There are certain things that will go wrong, some the wife’s fault, some the husband’s fault, but the only thing that we can do is control ourselves. Recognizing this and accepting it, is key to letting the problems go away easier. At least, that is what I think…
I think one of the most important passages in the book (that I have read so far) is when not to surrender. There is a difference from a powerful, in control husband to an abusive husband. In an abusive relationship, GET OUT. It is very important to read over this list and know when not to surrender. This is not an “At least, that is what I think…”, this is what I KNOW.
Alright, but, there are things in the book that I don’t agree with, on page 35 it outlines a scenario about a scene in a car where a husband misses a turn. The book says, “he keeps going in the wrong direction you will go past the state line and still not correct what he’s doing”. To me, that seems crazy. If we are going someplace, why would I not say, “Hunny, you missed the turn”? I am not going to be rude about it, I definitely would not say, “You missed the exit! Do you not know how to read a road sign???”. There are proper and improper ways to say things, and to me, ending up in Timbuktu is not a thing I want (and nor does the person I am with). At least, that’s what I think…
It is interesting because Doyle relates everything to trust. If a wife tells her husband that he is taking an inefficient way to work it is because she does not trust him to find the best way himself. I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I’m sure that once he had found his way, he would find the one that is best for him, for whatever reason. I still think I have the same view as before that it is largely in how you say something, not what you say. I think that the constant nagging would be demeaning and not proper, but in some cases, I think helpful suggestions could be more deemed as, well, helpful than nagging. But I think the amount of time that the “helpful hints” are given, once a day versus once a month, is also important to take into consideration. At least, that’s what I think…
I think that a lot of this book is for assertive women looking to relinquish their control and improve their marriage/relationship. It talks about how there the women should have a “no control” date. That is my ideal, so I am not struggling against it. However, I think the book is interesting so far. I am looking forward to reading the rest. I will be giving my opinion little by little each day until I am finished.
<3
Soul
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Perfect for me.
Hi Everyone.
I'm currently listening to We Made You by Eminem.
Alright, soooo sorry about the lapse in blogging again. I've just been doing so much online these days. Oh, and I am finally graduated from high school!!!
Alright, but I just got a package... Sky sent me a shirt of his in the mail. I was so excited to get it. I still am not down from the excitement of opening the package. He is truly the perfect guy (for me). I have told him that he is perfect in the past, but he always reminds me that he is human. To which I say that I am human too and we all have our flaws and such. But the thing is, he is perfect for me.
So I opened my package and right on top of the shirt was a sticky note. :) It made me smile. My heart fills every time I hear/read that he loves me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I really am the luckiest girl. Because I truly think I found the person who I can grow old with. He is the greatest guy I have ever met.
I am crossing my fingers and waiting for this magical dream job to open up for him here. I want him to get a job tomorrow! I am a good girl though, waiting, and loving.
<3
Soul
I'm currently listening to We Made You by Eminem.
Alright, soooo sorry about the lapse in blogging again. I've just been doing so much online these days. Oh, and I am finally graduated from high school!!!
Alright, but I just got a package... Sky sent me a shirt of his in the mail. I was so excited to get it. I still am not down from the excitement of opening the package. He is truly the perfect guy (for me). I have told him that he is perfect in the past, but he always reminds me that he is human. To which I say that I am human too and we all have our flaws and such. But the thing is, he is perfect for me.
So I opened my package and right on top of the shirt was a sticky note. :) It made me smile. My heart fills every time I hear/read that he loves me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I really am the luckiest girl. Because I truly think I found the person who I can grow old with. He is the greatest guy I have ever met.
I am crossing my fingers and waiting for this magical dream job to open up for him here. I want him to get a job tomorrow! I am a good girl though, waiting, and loving.
<3
Soul
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