Get your booty into gear!

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Poker Face by Lady GaGa.

Alrighty, once again, it's been awhile. That's what my title is about, getting my butt into gear and keeping this up. School has been school though, not too much interesting going on there. Busy but boring.

What is really interesting is this new guy... Hmmm what to name him... SILVER!!! Okay, so Silver and I met a couple years ago. We lost touch for a while, but we are back in contact. Talking to him, it feels like I've known him my whole life. I'm glad we started talking again. He's a really chill guy who is just plainly amazing. We have so much in common and really click. He's a good friend to have reconnected with.

I think that's it. Oh, Twin and I are having a blast together. We have been hanging out a lot recently. She is AMAZING!!!! Woo!!!

<3

Soul

Couldn't I be something besides a moth?

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Just Dance by Lady GaGa.

So, I am a moth. He is the flame. I am attracted in a way that cannot be explained. In my mind I know I want to stay away, well not stay away, but I want it to be different. Why is my life so fucked? I don't want to sound like one of those angsty teenagers, because I don't think I am an angsty teenager.

I maintain this perfect distance, then he calls, and we talk, and he is so perfect about it. I think, perhaps this is exactly what I'm looking for and he is perfect for what I need. Then he turns into an asshole. Perhaps he doesn't turn into one though, perhaps he just is one and I don't realize it until I let myself see it.

But I don't want to stop. That's where the moth part of me comes in. I know that he will text me, come up with a beautiful lie of an excuse, and I will let myself believe. I won't stop myself either, because it's beautiful. I would worship it. I won't, but I would.

Not to mention, some of the things that he has said makes my heart melt. Not in the way where I'm about to proclaim my love or anything. He's real though, he's standing in front of me and smiling, perfect diamonds of words falling from lips and into my ears.

I'm sucker.

=/

Soul

Under Waterfalls

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Hot N Cold by Katy Perry.

I have a million and a half things to do today, so instead of doing them, I am blogging. I feel like I need to blog though. I was hoping that Flash could come over today, and he couldn't. I caught glimpse of myself in the mirror after I found out this news and was surprised by what I saw. I saw a pretty girl, a girl who deserves a good guy. I'm not saying that I am not going to see Flash again, but I am officially not as obsessed with the whole situation as I was before.

I realized today, that I deserve someone who likes me. What Flash and I had (have???) is a friendship, nothing more. I think I forgot about that. I think I let the other stuff get to my head. I am going to start putting myself out there more. I think I shelter myself up inside of me, protecting myself from not getting hurt. It's funny, because I told Twin about a month ago to just ask this one guy out. I said "What's the worse that could happen?". I am going to take my own advice, because you know what? The worse that could happen is that I get hurt.

I think I am ready for the pain. It's funny because I think that if Flash came over today, I would have never realized this. So in a funny way, I own this all to Flash.

=)

Soul

Non Fiction Books and Pringles

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to If I Were a Boy by Beyonce.

Soooo, the title of this blog is all for Twin. I know she will read this and CRACK up! We have this new inside joke, so everyone else reading this will feel immensely left out. Sorry. Not really. Well, I might blog about the big idea behind the inside joke at a later time. I won't today because then the subject matter of our inside joke will be revealed.

But on a different note, that also relates to Twin a little, boyfriends. SO, here's the deal, I want one. But here's the thing, after Flash and I had our little friendship enhancer, I want a hot boyfriend. I know every girl wants a hot boyfriend, but most girls delude themselves into saying their boyfriends are cute or hot or whatever. There are not enough hot guys to give every girl a hot boyfriend. So, you may ask yourself why I think I deserve one... I don't know. I am a pretty good catch. I think I will need one of those "chubby chasers" though. =) I have no problem with that. Any guys out there who are good looking, clean, (disease free), know how to please a girl, and looking for a full figured girl, gimme a call. =)

Alrighty... Well, that was a bit off track and a little inappropriate. Ah, who cares.

Now, onto a COMPLETELY different subject... River is AMAZING! I love his classes and I love his wisdom on top of everything else. He is honestly one of the best people I have ever met in my life.

=)

Soul

Stony Hearts.

Hey Everyone!

I'm Currently listening to Bleed it Out by Linkin Park.

Okay. So, as the title indicates I am going to talk about Stone. I know I have been talking about him lately and that makes me a little nervous. I mean, I think I am getting more attached to all of this. I don't even know what this is, but I am getting attached.

I find myself joking around with him more and more. I find myself smiling. I feel tingly when I'm around him. I find myself wanting to memorize every part of him. I want to commit him to memory. You may ask yourself why, well I have figured out why.

BECAUSE I KNOW THIS WILL ALL END! I have never felt this way before and had it end up well. Here's the thing, I like Taco Bell. I like reading. I like writing. I like to sing obnoxiously. I like to just chill and have fun.

He doesn't.

Now, maybe I am judging before I truly know, but oh well. I am. What are you going to do about it? Hmmm? That's right... NOTHING! Mwhahahaha.

Oh my.

= /

Soul

Whoa, Judge much?

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Secret Crowds by Angels and Airwaves.

Okay, a three things to talk about, Stone (of course), Manhattan, and Puck.

Let's start out with the easy (?) stuff first, Stone. So, the past couple of times that I have had to work in groups in the class that Stone is in, he has worked with me. Or when one day when we were a different room and a group of his friends (he knows them and talks to them and they do a certain extra curricular activity with him, I don't know if they are great friends, but friends yes...) were sitting on the other side of the room than me, there was two open chairs by them and one by me, and he sat by ME!!! Then he always is my partner. I don't know if that is because I sit behind him and it is a convenience thing, or if he likes working with me.

Here's my thought, if he didn't like working with me, he could work with someone else close to him, RIGHT???!!!????!!?!!?? AHHGGGRRRHHHH. I am not reading into anything. Mostly because I know nothing will ever come of this. I need to keep telling myself this, because I have been devastated before, just because my feelings get involved in stupid things. Things that will never work out. Why oh why am I so cursed with these feelings?

I find myself thinking about him though. It scares me. Really scares me.

Okay, change of subject. How about another boy? Okay, so Puck and I sit next to each other (in a different class) and (Noodles' class) Noodles thinks that I like him. I would definitely date him because he is really funny and sweet, and all that jazz. How can I have these two feelings? Although I will say, I think about Puck when I am around Puck. When I am not around anyone, I think about Stone.

Noodles is so great though. I hope to do some travelling with her over the summer. She is the BEST teacher I have ever had the pleasure of learning from. She is a great person too.

Okay, now the big stuff... Manhattan. Manhattan and I have been doing great. She is definitely a big part of my life. I was talking to Noodles this morning about thinking of going to a two year college then transferring. I have many reasons for considering this. However, there is a certain expectation from people around me that I will go to a four year school. There is a certain stigma that going to a two year college gets. Which is sort of funny because one of the smartest economic decisions that you can make is to go to a two year college and transfer. ANYWAYS, I have many reasons for considering this, not to mention my two other best friends, also two of the smartest people I know, are going to a two year school first.

So back to the story, I was telling Noodles all of this and talking to her about it because I really wanted to get an outsider's opinion on it all. Well, about twenty minutes later Manhattan comes in and we were talking about something else. However, Manhattan asked about one of my friends and why I was seeing her because she is supposed to be at college. Noodles informed Manhattan that my friend had decided that the four year college that she was planning on going to didn't fit so (before she even started) she decided to go to a local two year school.

Manhattan went off, saying how she thought that my friend was smart so why was she at that two year school, and how her parents would kill her if she even thought the name of the school. I wanted to yell at her. I mean, yeah, some people go there because they can't get in other places, but hey, they are at least going to school. It's not only there for that purpose though. Noodles was shocked at how judgemental Manhattan was about it. Noodles didn't say anything about the conversation we just had, and neither did I. It was just really sucky.

=/

Soul

And guess what?!?

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to So What by P!nk.

Well, what has been monopolizing most of my posts these past couple of times? That's just, Stone. It's funny because after my last boyfriend I was completely fine with just being by myself and not liking anyone. These feelings are so intense. They can't be categorized as anything other than lust... can they?

I would have never expected to fall in lust, or like, or whatever with Stone. But I guess the old adage, you can't chose who you love, is right. Although I am not in love. Let's just get that straight. I went out with Mediterranean today and I was telling her about it. She knows him so she could at least put a face with the name. I told her that I didn't expect anything to come of it then said I didn't want anything to come of it. She looked at me, I laughed, of course I want something to come out of it. That's what the humdinger is, no matter how much I know that nothing will come of it, I still want something to come of it.

Dang teenage hormones.

I was thinking about the future and life and the likes. I want to be in love. I sort of always pushed the notion aside and promised myself that love would never come into consideration in my life. Love makes you silly and do rash and stupid things. Perhaps though love isn't as bad as I once thought.

However, Puck is still in the picture. He is so sweet and who knows what goes on in his head. He is super smart and hell-a hilarious. I love being around him because he is so funny. However, I hear that he is like my ex, great friend and horrible boyfriend. I would be silly to involve myself in the same situation again. So, two boys, no choices. =)

Well, that's life, right?

=)

Soul

Life is a funny thing

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Disturbia by Rihanna.

So, now to harp on something, but... Stone. It's funny, because Twin and I were talking about him a little today. I have so far only told Manhattan and Twin. I am too protective about this feeling. You may ask why I would be so secretive. Well, I don't go running around telling people things, I am very protective about who I tell what. Probably why I am so careful on this blog. ANYWAYS!

I want to talk about my feelings. They are so strange. I have never had these thoughts before. Okay, adult content coming up, so if you are easily offended, don't read this post. Or go ahead, I really don't care... So, I am in LUST. It is so freaky because while yeah, I have thought inappropriate thoughts before, I have never thought the thoughts I think. Sweat usually makes me queasy. I don't like people sweating around me, it sort of is creepy. However, I saw Stone sweating and all I could think was to be all up on his sweaty self. Creepy of me. Totally not normal. I am freaking myself out.

Most of all I am scared because he seems to be nice and have a tolerance for me so I would hate to ruin it by saying or doing something stupid. AHHHH! So crazy. Not to mention, I am not stupid. Stone would be repulsed by me having these thoughts. I can't help it though. I want to cry because I can't control it. The thoughts are just there.

=0.... (Drooling over Stone)

Soul

Strong Feelings.

Hi Everyone!

I’m currently listening to Relax (Take it Easy) by Mika.

So this is going to be a bit of a departure from my norm. Maybe not. Who knows what my norm really is. Perhaps my norm is a cynical animal shelter worker psycho vegan who hates ants. Perhaps not. I’m going with not. Although none of those things are bad. ANYWAYS! Back to my original point, if I ever had one…

What makes our bodies react in the ways they do? I had always thought I would never be attracted to a certain type of person. Stone is breaking down all of my barriers in a way I never thought possible. I’ll be honest with you, because I can’t be this honest anywhere else. I want him. I want him in every way a girl can want a guy. I want all his attention to be on ME, all of his body to be MINE, all of his thoughts to be about ME, to have his body yearn for ME. That sounds selfish and clingy. I hate those characteristics. With a passion. However, nothing can change the way we feel.

I dislike the way I feel. I have thoughts that consume my mind and I can’t get rid of. I find myself trying to make him smile, because that smile makes me melt. However, in less than forty weeks I will probably never see him again, except for high school reunions. How depressing. He doesn’t move in remotely the same circles as I do. How very very depressing.

No matter how I spin it though, I will be sad when he is not there. I don’t know why. It is one of those unexplainable feelings. Oh how I hate those unexplainable feelings.

He is very easy to look at though, and look at I shall. And it seems that I will be condemned to only look at.

= /

Soul

Senior!!!

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Alrighty, well as you all know I am a senior. I have developed this schoolgirl crush on a boy in one of my classes. Actually two boys, in two separate classes. However one of them is so completely wrong for me. Not in the sense that he is a bad person, as far as I know he isn't into drugs or anything bad. He actually is quite smart and very funny. I am naming him Stone. But the whole thing really is a schoolgirl crush. I feel so silly. I mean, if this was going to happen why now? Why not when I was a younger?

I stumbled across a quote though. I thought it was so spot on. It is about trying to get a woman. "Tell the smart ones they're pretty and the pretty ones they're smart". I was thinking about it and it is so true. How sad is that? I don't know... I mean, I know that I'm the same way, but I just think it is incredible saddening.

= )

Soul

Movie Stars and Tears Worth Gold Plated Mice

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.

Okay, so I am a bit of a movie aficionado, at least that's what I tell myself to justify watching all those movies... I can cry at almost any movie, horror, drama, comedy, anything. It is one of my hidden talents. I barely cry to real life stuff, but once that movie reel gets started, so do my tear ducts.


I do admit to being one of those girls who wants that movie-esque romance. I sit at movies wondering when my Bill/Noah/Patrick/Scott/Dean/Hank/other will show up and sweep me off my feet. I am not looking for flowers delivered daily or dinners on the top of the Empire State building. I am simply looking for a man who loves me as much as I love him. It always seems like those guys are housed in hushed movie theaters and on my television screen.

Well, that was a sad look into my life...

= (

Soul


PS- if someone can correctly identify all of the 6 fictional men who I mentioned, then I shall give them something, Bill is a hard one. So are two maybe three others.

This might just be too much

Hi everyone.

I'm currently listening to NO MUSIC! =(

Bucket is on my mind. What if I can't do this? What if I do happen to do this and it goes bad? What if I do this then regret it? Why do I want to do this? What about the other guy? I don't even know if the other guy would be interested, but is it even worth a shot? Is this frightened state normal? I've never felt this with any other guy, this nervous fear. Is it fear? Perhaps it is another emotion that I can't quite put my finger on...

What if this is the wrong choice for me?

= /

Soul

Boys

Hi Everyone!

I'm currently listening to Fences by Paramore.
(Actually I'm currently BLARING Paramore)

So, I'm a teenage girl and yes the stereotype that all we think/talk about is boys is definitely true. You want to know something else to? Size matters. hahaha, I love telling boys this, it is such a funny thing to see their reactions. anyways...

My ex-boyfriend and I don't talk. On a certain level it leaves me with a certain sadness but on the other hand I am fine with it. We dated pre-blog days so you don't get to read about the days I was so madly infatuated with him. Sorry. It's probably for your benefit because I'm pretty such it would have made you all throw up.

We were best friends before we started dating. I had a crush on him for a long time (two years) before we started dating. We really fit together. He could always make me laugh and he wasn't a typical boys boy. He played video games, hung out with his sisters, and was just a funny guy. He wasn't attractive by any means but as you may know the longer you are around someone they become more attractive.

I don't get to be immature, I am expected to be an adult. Which at 17 it is an understandable expectation. He on the other hand was very immature. Not really comfortable in his own skin either. I always maintained that I was too good for him, but his humor attracted me, I couldn't help it.

I should have known it was too good to last. It was awkward for him to put our relationship on display because we were friends for so long. I wanted to shout it from the roof. We approached the whole thing very differently. But it was handled, I was unhappy and we just dealt with it. I wanted to talk about it and he was not someone who talked about anything serious.

Then the horrid night came. We had hung out many times as a couple before our actual first date (dinner and a movie). We went a couple places where no money was exchanged, friends houses, parties, etc. Anyways, so i was excited about our "first official date". Then he complained about me "expecting him to pay". I was floored! Call me old fashioned, but I expect my boyfriend to pay on the first date. As well as anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Not to mention whenever he has the desire to. But the first date is definitely one of the times when the guy has to pay. Also, just to clarify, we went to Noodles and the movies, so all together the date cost him thirty/thirty-five dollars. For two people! I didn't even get popcorn or a drink at the theater. He did complain when I ordered a drink with dinner though. Saying he was going broke.

Two weeks later we broke up.

A week after that I found out that the reason he had such a problem paying was because...

"I'm richer"

Okay, let's just say this, I'm not fucking rich! I work a part-time job of which I put 70% away for my future. So I get (tops) 25 dollars a week. My belongings are graciously provided by my mom. I think it was a stupid reason, then, to top it off, I found out that his mom was the one who told him that I should be paying. What a great mother role model.

Sorry, this might have come off a little bitter, but I'm still a little sore on the subject...

= /

Soul