Drugs and Rock & Roll

Hi Everyone!

I’m currently listening to Apologize by Timbaland feat. OneRepublic.

So I just got finished watching Real World: Hollywood. In this episode Joey read his goodbye letter to alcohol and drugs. I was in tears. My last post was about my father, and this one is too. I was crying for multiple reasons, one of them being that I like Joey and don’t want to see him leave the show. It’s hard to see someone who is a real person just up and leave, especially after going through such a journey in front of millions of people.

Another, more personal, reason was my father. My father was a drug addict and an alcoholic. My mom says he was a good man, when he was himself, free of that influence. His life decision to do drugs has led to my life decision to never do drugs. Even though I know he is in a better place now, I sometimes wonder about why he couldn’t sober up.

I know it is hard to do, but other people do it. I wonder if knowing me wasn’t a good enough reason. I sometimes hate myself for not being enough for him. I know it’s not like that, I know that’s not the process. It’s not my fault. However, I can still think it. I wonder what my life could have been like if he had just cleaned his act up, and been a good father.

While he might have never been there for me, he did one thing right by me, I will never do drugs. I know it. I don’t have a desire to, I never will. Of that I am certain…

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Soul